Matters of the Heart.Has a Commercial Fuck turned into a torrid Love Affair which has turned your life upside down? Fear not. We have experts here who can help you through your roller coaster ride. Tell us your story and we'll do our best to help.
Dear bro's
I feel we look at cheating all wrong
Wheather we cheat or not will be decided by us and not society
If i do something and i feel bad about it then its cheating
For me if i go out do some shit and feel very happy to have my load off in a different hole and come back to home very happy man
Look after better for my kids and wife then i dont consider that as cheating
If i go back home frustrated and not happy then what good i can offer to my family
Thats how i look at that....have a drak side make our bright side more bright 🌞
If your wife does the same thing and feels happy, you are ok with it?
I'm pretty sure there is more than he is admitting to. Its a good thing for you he is an ex.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lil'Tempt
I have an ex that texts 2 female colleagues asking them to go back to office to work on a Saturday when office is closed (reason when asked: he's just joking and it's for work), buys food for female ex-colleague to her new workplace (reason: maintaining friendship), texting a common female friend that I didn't like and asking for solo dinner (reason: thanking her for the help - when there wasn't a real help in the first place), texting secretly a female colleague non-stop evening/night and when asked, got very upset and said it's just work and also secretly deleted messages (reason: just colleague chatting), meeting different friends for lunch date and claiming it never happened (reason: the lunch never materialized), going for juagen (reason: for our sex life to be better) and many more
So all these constitute cheating/lying?
Maybe male/female's perspectives are different, will really be interesting to hear about it.
Its a free world, if can determine whatever your definition of cheating is. But the world/society will define if they think you are a cheater.
Your argument is akin to you can steal from a crook because it was ill gotten gains. But when it comes to the law, you are still stealing.
Be careful about your train of argument. You are bordering on ending up as a "Sovereign".
Quote:
Originally Posted by bekind1984
Dear bro's
I feel we look at cheating all wrong
Wheather we cheat or not will be decided by us and not society
If i do something and i feel bad about it then its cheating
For me if i go out do some shit and feel very happy to have my load off in a different hole and come back to home very happy man
Look after better for my kids and wife then i dont consider that as cheating
If i go back home frustrated and not happy then what good i can offer to my family
Thats how i look at that....have a drak side make our bright side more bright 🌞
Women flirt is for self worth and escalate their confidence. Men flirt is a buaya. As long as it is something you do not dare to show to your significant half, it is cheating regardless of gender. Only if the other party really loves you fully then there may be no hanky panky digitally or physically i guess.
Dear bro's
I feel we look at cheating all wrong
Wheather we cheat or not will be decided by us and not society
If i do something and i feel bad about it then its cheating
For me if i go out do some shit and feel very happy to have my load off in a different hole and come back to home very happy man
Look after better for my kids and wife then i dont consider that as cheating
If i go back home frustrated and not happy then what good i can offer to my family
Thats how i look at that....have a drak side make our bright side more bright 🌞
yeah i agree also, because if u feel bad about something u hv done means that u know its wrong
I have an ex that texts 2 female colleagues asking them to go back to office to work on a Saturday when office is closed (reason when asked: he's just joking and it's for work), buys food for female ex-colleague to her new workplace (reason: maintaining friendship), texting a common female friend that I didn't like and asking for solo dinner (reason: thanking her for the help - when there wasn't a real help in the first place), texting secretly a female colleague non-stop evening/night and when asked, got very upset and said it's just work and also secretly deleted messages (reason: just colleague chatting), meeting different friends for lunch date and claiming it never happened (reason: the lunch never materialized), going for juagen (reason: for our sex life to be better) and many more
So all these constitute cheating/lying?
Maybe male/female's perspectives are different, will really be interesting to hear about it.
Hi Lil"tempt,
How do think of mentally cheating towards a partner?
1st case: Chatting with with particular guy late at night (I mean past 2am)
2nd case: Chatted every day and night without fail while claiming it just only causal chatting while exchanging facial pics, in depth of conversation of personal life (note: partner yet to meet this guy physically)
3rd case: gladly accept guy kind gesture of sending 'happy food' to partner's workplace and posted on Wechats Moments
4th case: Feeling suspicious of the guy's motive and warn partner but partner constantly brushing aside yet continuing the kind of exchange / communication with guy.
5th case: Allowing the guy to call her endearment like ' My Q****n' and never reject the guy's advance of trying to date her out.
6th case: ask partner few times whether she has interest in this guy? Initially she say 'No', thereafter became 'I don't know'
7th case: Partner mentioned only started conversation with guy for about 1.5 months back but there is proof to indicate otherwise
8th case: insecure and scare of losing partner, requested partner to remove this guy from picture but she refused
9th case: Partner said this guy is special, someone who understands her
10th case: Publicly told the guy he cannot like anybody only can like her in a forum thread.
11th Case: Partner secretly texting the guy behind bf's back while on date with bf despite bf' objection. To be fair the content of the text is nothing discriminating.
What your point of view? Does this constitute to 精神出轨?
Can i understand how does ladies define cheating?
My wife can travel overseas with male friend and stay in the same room with another girl (total 3 of them). The reason: to save cost. When i told her my displeasure, she simply ignore.
When i go overseas with my colleagues (total 3guys and 2girls), the guys shares a room, the ladies shares a room. She’s unhappy.
So can i know who is more suspicious? My wife even know all my colleagues. But i do not even know any of her colleagues.
She can PM guys and says is for work or events matter. But i cant text my female colleagues or chat with customers (without any sexual content)
She can work till late night, used to be home at 3-4am. But if i’m home that late due to work, with photo evidence, she will deem me as go out flirt with girls and etc.
I really need to understand on women point of view.
Now we are separated as she deem me having ‘anger management’ issue.
How do think of mentally cheating towards a partner?
1st case: Chatting with with particular guy late at night (I mean past 2am)
2nd case: Chatted every day and night without fail while claiming it just only causal chatting while exchanging facial pics, in depth of conversation of personal life (note: partner yet to meet this guy physically)
3rd case: gladly accept guy kind gesture of sending 'happy food' to partner's workplace and posted on Wechats Moments
4th case: Feeling suspicious of the guy's motive and warn partner but partner constantly brushing aside yet continuing the kind of exchange / communication with guy.
5th case: Allowing the guy to call her endearment like ' My Q****n' and never reject the guy's advance of trying to date her out.
6th case: ask partner few times whether she has interest in this guy? Initially she say 'No', thereafter became 'I don't know'
7th case: Partner mentioned only started conversation with guy for about 1.5 months back but there is proof to indicate otherwise
8th case: insecure and scare of losing partner, requested partner to remove this guy from picture but she refused
9th case: Partner said this guy is special, someone who understands her
10th case: Publicly told the guy he cannot like anybody only can like her in a forum thread.
11th Case: Partner secretly texting the guy behind bf's back while on date with bf despite bf' objection. To be fair the content of the text is nothing discriminating.
What your point of view? Does this constitute to 精神出轨?
Others are welcome to share their views
By reading through your post based on your one-sided view, I won't be able to deduce much about your partner's actions. But I will be able to enlighten you more on how women think in generally and why they sometimes seek for outside validation:
1) Your partner might feel underappreciated, neglected, or ignored. She might be feeling that she puts in much more effort than u. So she might seek an external situation that validates them for who they are, rather than the services they perform.
2) All women crave intimacy. Women tend to feel valued and connected to a significant other more through non-sexual, emotional interplay (talking, having fun together, being thoughtful, etc.) than sexual activity. When your partner is not feeling that type of connection from her primary partner, that's when she may seek it elsewhere. Have you complimented her in recent days/weeks or months?
3) Perhaps, she is feeling lonely? Women can experience loneliness in a relationship for any number of reasons. Maybe the partner works long hours or have late night meetings on a regular basis, or maybe their spouse is emotionally unavailable or busy during the weekend. Whatever the cause, they feel lonely, and they seek connection to fill the void.
4) Have you been providing your partner with sufficient sex? There is a societal misconception that only men enjoy sex. But plenty of women also enjoy sex, and if they’re not getting it in a relationship, they might feel unloved and eventually seek for someone that appreciates them.
After all, men are from mars and women are from venus. Ultimately, what's important to one might not be to another. From what I can see, one of the differences between a platonic friendship and an emotional affair is that an emotional affair is kept secret. Your partner still share with you what's going on and you should count your blessing too.
But if really that unhappy, move on. There are many Janes & Eunices out there!
Can i understand how does ladies define cheating?
My wife can travel overseas with male friend and stay in the same room with another girl (total 3 of them). The reason: to save cost. When i told her my displeasure, she simply ignore.
When i go overseas with my colleagues (total 3guys and 2girls), the guys shares a room, the ladies shares a room. She’s unhappy.
So can i know who is more suspicious? My wife even know all my colleagues. But i do not even know any of her colleagues.
She can PM guys and says is for work or events matter. But i cant text my female colleagues or chat with customers (without any sexual content)
She can work till late night, used to be home at 3-4am. But if i’m home that late due to work, with photo evidence, she will deem me as go out flirt with girls and etc.
I really need to understand on women point of view.
Now we are separated as she deem me having ‘anger management’ issue.
Any bros or sis can advice?
What will you like us to advise on?
Your separation, dealing with your anger management issue, or enlightening you on your wife's thinking?
In a marriage or relationship, it's always good to take a step back and give in. Have you heard of a saying: winning the battle but losing the war'
It is our anger that gets us into a fight and it is our ego that keeps us there." People tend to go on fighting about issues even when they are no longer relevant or when their original importance has diminished. They do this for the sake of proving a point and to demonstrate that they are the winners and, more importantly, that the other person is the loser. But often the one who loses the most in the long run is the "victor" himself.
Sit her down and talk it out. Otherwise, move on and find your next Janes & Eunices.
By reading through your post based on your one-sided view, I won't be able to deduce much about your partner's actions. But I will be able to enlighten you more on how women think in generally and why they sometimes seek for outside validation:
1) Your partner might feel underappreciated, neglected, or ignored. She might be feeling that she puts in much more effort than u. So she might seek an external situation that validates them for who they are, rather than the services they perform.
2) All women crave intimacy. Women tend to feel valued and connected to a significant other more through non-sexual, emotional interplay (talking, having fun together, being thoughtful, etc.) than sexual activity. When your partner is not feeling that type of connection from her primary partner, that's when she may seek it elsewhere. Have you complimented her in recent days/weeks or months?
3) Perhaps, she is feeling lonely? Women can experience loneliness in a relationship for any number of reasons. Maybe the partner works long hours or have late night meetings on a regular basis, or maybe their spouse is emotionally unavailable or busy during the weekend. Whatever the cause, they feel lonely, and they seek connection to fill the void.
4) Have you been providing your partner with sufficient sex? There is a societal misconception that only men enjoy sex. But plenty of women also enjoy sex, and if they’re not getting it in a relationship, they might feel unloved and eventually seek for someone that appreciates them.
After all, men are from mars and women are from venus. Ultimately, what's important to one might not be to another. From what I can see, one of the differences between a platonic friendship and an emotional affair is that an emotional affair is kept secret. Your partner still share with you what's going on and you should count your blessing too.
But if really that unhappy, move on. There are many Janes & Eunices out there!
Well, your points seems to legitimise infidelity even though the partner doesn't display any act of cheating... You have your points but I beg to differ. It seems like case of pointing finger result in act of infidelity. Nevertheless, it true that ladies have abundant of Gagas and Dicks out there to satisfy themselves and legitimise of being 'victim' of infidel
We all have secrets from our partners/friends/parents/anybody who matters in our lives. There is no one we share everything with. Except maybe a paid therapist.