Sexless Marriage...

[Frankiestine]

Originally Posted by plain

you guys keep pointing the finger at WOMEN in general but have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately ? Have you EVER wondered if it was YOU ?

Look back before she gave birth, look way back while you were still courting her back then... how far did you go to woo her? How lovey-dovey were you with her on and off the bed ?

show some appreciation to her, she gave birth to your child, taking care of them, feeding, caring.... pamper her like before, comment how nice she looks when she dresses up or puts make-up on. buy a card! an "I love you" card is good... date her out! (without the kids) and No... coffee-shop is NOT a place for a "nice" dinner... ambience is important boys! and do it often.

you WON'T get instant results... its gradual. just like how your unhappiness is happening to you guys now. Some say 6-mths, some 6 years... so imagine how much you have to "pay" her back for all those years.

see so typical to point the fingers at the guys only....you think we haven't throw everything in the book to try and build the passion...how would you like it when you try to sex up your woman only for her to bite your head off...how would you like to have your woman play with you dick then next minute tell you she is not in the mood..how would you like it when you tried to arouse her by petting only for her to tell you it is irritating...how would you like it if 10 out 10 times you have to initiate sex and 9 out 10 she turn you down with all sort of reasons....how would you like it if she says she is tired at night but stays up the whole night watching tv...too tired to have sex but not too tired to stay for tv??

so bro or sis...if you have never been thru such a state, please don't just point your fingers blindly...

Originally Posted by gent

I think most "sexless" husbands here had tried many ways to reignite the passion with our wives... if our wives don't reciprocate, I guess there is nothing much we can do. We can book a 5 star Hotel for valentine day, with the most relax and cozy atmosphere/environment, it's still useless if she refuse to change her mindset(abt sex). We even travel overseas, imagine sleeping together for 5 days on the same bed, and no sex at all... Are we husband and wife?? I used to get very "depressed" over this issue in the past, but I am slowly getting use to it now. Sometimes, I even feel that I should consult a doctor on this... Am I normal?

Brudder, I've seen and heard guys like you end up in therapy (shrink's office alone). Sometimes I get mixed signals from my gal and I'm lost as well. The only consolation for me is that I'm not married to her yet. Believe me when I say that sometimes, women themselves don't know what they want, but it is more deadly when they know what they want and do not tell you about it. Give yourself some space and not read too much into it.

Ironically, women think that men are only in sex for sex's sake. That is not necessarily true (Ladies, please do some self-help reading and you'll know why I said so). Some men do genuinely want to please their partners in life and they do give in to their spouses (even when they know that the wife is in the wrong), but it takes a smart woman to come to her own senses and realize this and appreciate their husbands for their understanding. Smart wives build a strong marriage on this, others abuse it and take their husbands for granted and from then on think its their GOD given right to have her way in a marriage. Sure, the guy could keep this up for as long as he can endure it, but the marriage will eventually fail when the guy feels like he is a fool. Happens too often when a marriage is based on false expectations and unrealistic demands on either partner in a marriage. When one party fails to deliver, the contract gets terminated. Just a piece of info, your marriage cert is a legally binding contract. Hence, you can choose to terminate it by means of a divorce, when one party fails to abide by the stipulated clauses contained therein.

My personal advice (this is not a prescription) is to take time to build up intimacy. The little things. A kiss here (cheek, lips, palm, forehead), a touch there (hands, palm, waist, neck, ears, arms, shoulders). Get her warmed up and leave it at that. It’s not a prelude to foreplay or sex, but just making her feel like a desired woman again (desired as in not just desired for sex and a woman not just for sex). Save the flowers and dinner treat unless you are well-to-do and can afford to pamper your spouse, but if you use this as a form of emotional bribery, she start to expect this on a periodical basis, which is not a good thing for the marriage. However, if she is really suffering from post-natal depression, then all the above will not work. Meds and treatment is in order.

Please seek help by talking to friends (friends who are in a positive marriage) or trained professionals when the situation is no longer within your control. There is nothing embarrassing when a couple knows that there is a problem in the marriage and they are actively working towards making the situation better. This could help you let your spouse know how much you value this marriage and want to make it work with him/her. This can be mis-interpreted by some spouses, so it needs to be communicated tactfully in-order for it to work.

"Eating-out" is a known phenomenon and I am not condoning it, but it is a reality. Some marriages are just so bad that when I hear about them, I can't blame the guy/gal. Some spouses just refuse to admit that there is a problem in a marriage and remain adamant that there is still nothing wrong with the marriage even when they proceed with divorce proceedings. It is entertaining and sad to see two educated people refusing to admit that there is a problem that can be worked out by the two of them (on most occasions) and would prefer to end the marriage in a divorce.

I see too many of such cases and I just hope this change in values and perspective towards marriage and what it takes for a marriage to work does not get warped out of proportion. The "image" of marriage is different from 30 years ago, but the foundation of it has not changed much. I just hope people will not look at this piece of contract so lightly. It seems the level of tolerance and compromise in a marriage is diminishing as we speak.

Let me know if you really need some help.

[analog539]

Originally Posted by plain

you guys keep pointing the finger at WOMEN in general but have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately ? Have you EVER wondered if it was YOU ?"
You're making me laugh. OBVIOUSLY bro you are on the side lines and are a bystander in the conversation OR, perhaps you are one of the lucky ones married to a lady with her head screwed on.



"Look back before she gave birth, look way back while you were still courting her back then... how far did you go to woo her? How lovey-dovey were you with her on and off the bed ?"
I'm laughing ever harder here.

"show some appreciation to her, she gave birth to your child, taking care of them, feeding, caring.... pamper her like before, comment how nice she looks when she dresses up or puts make-up on. buy a card! an "I love you" card is good... date her out! (without the kids) and No... coffee-shop is NOT a place for a "nice" dinner... ambience is important boys! and do it often."
Now I'm on the floor.


"you WON'T get instant results... its gradual. just like how your unhappiness is happening to you guys now. Some say 6-mths, some 6 years... so imagine how much you have to "pay" her back for all those years.

Cards? Candy......
How about to 10 grand a month to pay for everything?
How about the coming home EVERY night after work?
How about the caring for the kids.

That's the stuff I do. She does some too but......
we both have duties in this, me and her. I recognise mine, does she recognise hers? She's a great mother, no doubt, but a great wife. Sorry, answer is no.

Bro, you haven written this on the side lines, you haven't a smick what you are talking about. You think the guys on this forum haven't tried all that easy stuff you suggested?

Please lah!


Jim

[spenceryap]

Dear Plain,

Thank you for the suggestions but I don't think making blanket statements is mature thinking. In case you don't realise, we are trying to save our marriage rather than let it fall to pieces. It is different if we care-less and don't give a rat's ass about the family. The problem is we do.

We or at least I , am here to share and find solutions to our dilemma. Is frightening to see so many bros having the same problem. No wonder the divorce rate is one of the highest in our part of the world. To divorce is easy but that is not a solution; cause you'll hv others problems to worry about.

To all bros out there w/ constructive suggestions (even Plain) thank you.

[Frankiestine]

Originally Posted by spenceryap

We or at least I , am here to share and find solutions to our dilemma. Is frightening to see so many bros having the same problem. No wonder the divorce rate is one of the highest in our part of the world. To divorce is easy but that is not a solution; cause you'll hv others problems to worry about.

To all bros out there w/ constructive suggestions (even Plain) thank you.

When we men go astray the women kpkb but they never stop to think for a moment that they have a part to play too for why we stray in the first place..

[dchew]

folks,

just watched Phoenix channel(No.50) last night on cable, they were interviewing a China professor who specialise in studying sexual behaviour.

according to him, a normal marriage must have sex & love. If short of either one, then it's abnormal marriage.

personally,i feel that for a wife to with-hold sex from the husband on the excuse of kids, work etc is all but bullshit excuses. If it's bcos of her losing confidence in her body after child birth, still can salvage. if it's any other reason, then depends how well you guys can "lun" already. i know i will not accept such behaviour.

FYI, i'm married & expecting my 2nd kid, hopefully, i won't be adding on to this post any further.

[spenceryap]

Dchew,

Best of wishes for your second child.

Anyway, guys, its time to stop mopping around and get some action.

Life is too short to be bitching over this; Just do and dunt get caught.

Hopefully we all wont have to contribute to this thread ever.

Btw, theres a book tt you can buy, its by a female doctor on how to make a marriage last. It ask for the woman to submit to the man. Am giving that to my wife. haha

[dchew]

Originally Posted by spenceryap

Dchew,

Btw, theres a book tt you can buy, its by a female doctor on how to make a marriage last. It ask for the woman to submit to the man. Am giving that to my wife. haha

Spencer,

care to share the title of the book? it could be useful for all the bros here.

[Strider_sG]

Originally Posted by samschnur

i sympathise w bro ss2880.

my gf also the same, said that the cb closed up, even touch also scream out pain..... but she got no prob cumming by playing w her clit....

so i ended up w no sex, n the most she gave me is one bj n one hj the entire month we r together..

fuck up, u may call me anything u like, but at my age, i think i need sexual release too... n i never have this prob w all my previous gfs.... so to each his own, i cannot stand a relationship w/o sex

really jialat... i always believe that in a marriage sex is not everything but without it what is marriage... having sex bonds people togther and see when you just in a bgf relationships.. start holding hands to the point of having sex..and from that point how close the two becomes... secret is no longer a barrier and slowly they start to share things like problems and solutions.. My Two cents worth comments

[Strider_sG]

Originally Posted by kaizer

heh heh.. well, my gf is those high sex drive one but she dun believe in pre maritial sex.. so sex is out of the question.. we onli did petting.. afew times a week when we haf time.. however, she doesnt like me fondling her clit, say no feeling and painful, and she dun allow me to finger her, scared dat her hymen will break.. thus the only way for her to cum is to ride on me thru rubbing her chee bye with panties against my lan jiao wif underwear.. ( cannot naked cox scared pregnant.) seems dat she like it.. thus i haf no choice, though she dun allow oral sex even if i wana lick her.. dia0x.. come to her pcc skills, she isnt dat good though, out of 10 times i cum, onli 1-2 times i feel sibeh shiok only.. other den dat all like nt much feeling, i pcc myself oso better.. but wad to do? wives/gf are our other half, and we haf to respect their decision even though we still haf our needs. guess e only way is to slowly educate her and talk to her la.. juz like she got hairy chee bye, i slowly ask her to shave and tell her dat is more hygeniene and wont haf dat much smell.. can see some improvement in her la.. she go trim her cb hair, even though still so hairy and i ask her to shave.. but slowly la, take one step at a time lo.. one day she will come to understand one la.. patience bros.. PATIENCE!

have to let her know.. if not it will destroy relationships.. i had a gf and we were together for 2 years.. at first it was okay but as time goes by... she still show no interest in sex and in the end have to find other ways to relieve.. seriously.. they always blame men for not being faithful but us just want a small thing like a goox sex relationship.. and they cannot provide so do we have to shoulder all blame??? Sigh.. Being a man is hard especially a sillypore man

[tommyboy290906]

Hi bROS....
I've heard it all time after time, the same problem 9 out of 10 S'pore bros are experiencing. Mine too have the same problem even after 10 yrs of together.
Well ...I've not given up hope on her, recently I've tried getting her to take Estravil a couple of days before sex day and it work wonders on her more earger to have sex. See my post 133 on this Estravil.
Bros on your part get her to watch xxx, her sex fantasy stories and above all make her more horny for dicks.

got to bal the sex equation.

Some news on female viagra to be out soon 2006 after 2 yrs of testing.

[asjer]

Bros, first and foremost, am sorry to read about the plights of some bros here. Though i don't fall into the said category, i tried asking the mrs for her opinion why some women are totally off sex after marriage or have kids. Wonder if any bros know that our wives are gossiping behind our backs with their friends and colleagues about our techniques in bed!!!

Anyway, back to the issue, reasons stated are as follows :-

1) work - too tired and damn stressed out to even get horny
2) kids - priority always the kids 1st, parents 2nd then the hubby.
3) chores - having to do the chores like cooking, cleaning or making sure the maid done the cooking and cleaning
4) disappointment - women dream of a princess life after marriage and when they dun get it, they stop supplying.
5) hunk - most of us here tend to get out of shape with age especially the mid region, beer belly
6) cheating - some wives are actually cheating
7) mood - husband ain't as romantic as before marriage
8) explanation - the fear of waking the kids or having the kids walk-in and having to explain the act
9) bored - eating the same dish one too many times
10) lack of feeling - after years of marriage, the feeling towards the husband somehow diminishes

Some of the reasons are rather valid though have to admit some are really stupid but frankly speaking, women are hard to understand. For me, am married for 5 yrs and a kid in tow, points 1 and 2 are usually the excuses for her not giving whereas for me, points 1, 5, 6 and 9 are my reasons for not giving. Though we still do have sex, have to admit that the frequency goes down not by a notch but more like a fall. If ever there's a forum where women complain about sexless marriage, am sure my mrs would be there complaining!

[Frankiestine]

Originally Posted by tommyboy290906

Bros on your part get her to watch xxx, her sex fantasy stories and above all make her more horny for dicks.

I tried to get my rsm to watch she think she just married a pervert..

[blackheart]

Originally Posted by Frankiestine

I tried to get my rsm to watch she think she just married a pervert..

Dear Bro Frankiestine,

If you think that is bad enough, I was in a even worse situation. When I suggested my wife to put on a slip nightie, she says I am "tiko" to suggest that. When I said what is the problem with wearing that as many wives are doing it, her answer is only sluts will do such things.

Thank god Janet came into my life and change all that (I guess you know what I mean).

Blackheart

[fat29]

Bro Blackheart,

You are very lucky to have Janet. Many other bros whose wife behave this way and got no money, no gift of the gab and therefore no Janets, really can't sleep well.

I suppose you will still be envied though your wife is not quite sexisfying you. Hope to hear more of your adventures and of course, while I secretly take lessons on the side by reading your real stories. May the rest of the bros in similar shoes, have their share of Janets in the year of the dog.

Rgds.

Originally Posted by blackheart

Dear Bro Frankiestine,

If you think that is bad enough, I was in a even worse situation. When I suggested my wife to put on a slip nightie, she says I am "tiko" to suggest that. When I said what is the problem with wearing that as many wives are doing it, her answer is only sluts will do such things.

Thank god Janet came into my life and change all that (I guess you know what I mean).

Blackheart