Advice - liking someone I shouldn’t

[Wingor]

Hi all,

A married guy here. Have been keeping in touch with an ex foreign FL for the past 2 years. Always felt some kind of connection with her. She’s no longer in this industry and had been based in Turkey doing her own beautician business. I missed her so much to the point I went over to Turkey recently to catch up with her and spend time together. During this trip, I realised I really liked her as I came to know more of her. Told myself to rid myself of such emotions but yet I cannot stop thinking about her. I feel terrible now back in Singapore missing her while trying to put up a front with my wife…what should I do? Any others with similar experience or any advice you can give?

Thank you.

[Penguin23]

Divorced guy here, so take my views with a heavy dollop of salt.

If you treasure the relationship with your wife, you should run away from temptation, cut off all contact.

Because this story cannot have a good ending.

I think, deep inside you know this already?

[Wingor]

Originally Posted by Penguin23

Divorced guy here, so take my views with a heavy dollop of salt.

If you treasure the relationship with your wife, you should run away from temptation, cut off all contact.

Because this story cannot have a good ending.

I think, deep inside you know this already?

Thank you for the advice. I know I shouldn’t get involved so deeply but we are humans after all and develop feelings for people…perhaps I got to see another side of this woman and also saw how she had developed into the person she is today as compared to when she was in this industry that attracted me to her... I dunno if it’s because that feeling of liking someone and trying to chase after that person got revived, which was somehow lost after being married to my wife for so long…

[Penguin23]

Originally Posted by Wingor

Thank you for the advice. I know I shouldn’t get involved so deeply but we are humans after all and develop feelings for people…perhaps I got to see another side of this woman and also saw how she had developed into the person she is today as compared to when she was in this industry that attracted me to her... I dunno if it’s because that feeling of liking someone and trying to chase after that person got revived, which was somehow lost after being married to my wife for so long…

Yes I understand your desire for that spark which was lost

But you must also understand the havoc this would cause in your life.

Weigh your next steps carefully. Leaving a woman to be with another, doesn't usually form the basis of a long and lasting relationship with the second woman.

Cheers.

[Wingor]

Originally Posted by Penguin23

Yes I understand your desire for that spark which was lost

But you must also understand the havoc this would cause in your life.

Weigh your next steps carefully. Leaving a woman to be with another, doesn't usually form the basis of a long and lasting relationship with the second woman.

Cheers.

Thanks very much bro. I guess I really need to clear my head on this

[larue]

Penguin gives good advice.

Examine what you're unhappy about in your life.

These feelings you have are often simply the expression in the form of another person, of all other frustrations you are experiencing in life.

It's a common experience. I had my own one over a decade ago. It can, and will never happen to me again.

Or you once you clear your head, and become clear about what you want in life.

[Wingor]

Originally Posted by larue

Penguin gives good advice.

Examine what you're unhappy about in your life.

These feelings you have are often simply the expression in the form of another person, of all other frustrations you are experiencing in life.

It's a common experience. I had my own one over a decade ago. It can, and will never happen to me again.

Or you once you clear your head, and become clear about what you want in life.

I know this will not lead to any happy ending, I also don’t know why I’m still trying to hold on…perhaps as Bro Penguin mentioned, that spark is missing in my marriage…and like you said, I’m expressing my hopes and dreams on someone else instead of my wife..I guess it’s also due to me trying to find that initial experience of loving someone, which always leave you with some sweet memories which I did felt when I was with her…yea but this has to stop because there is no light at the end of this tunnel. Thank you for being my agony uncles.

[Pictionary]

It's best to be responsible to your partner. If ur partner finds out somehow, it may affect your personal and career life.

It's not a joke when a fresh grad of long years of experience teaching an oldie about google and apps when he obviously done the cutting of aluminium using electric cutter. The oldie may not be a computer man but street wise he is not stupid.

[EtherC]

That “spark” is just a chemical cocktail in the brain + hormones. Are you going to keep chasing that spark every couple of years into each relationship or you have a charted life course you want to follow through with? Thats the ultimate question. I have often seen people who chase that spark through multiple divorces and ended up in bad situations. There are also other damages in the form of kids who grow up without a father figure, financial strain and poor career advancement etc.

[Wingor]

Originally Posted by EtherC

That “spark” is just a chemical cocktail in the brain + hormones. Are you going to keep chasing that spark every couple of years into each relationship or you have a charted life course you want to follow through with? Thats the ultimate question. I have often seen people who chase that spark through multiple divorces and ended up in bad situations. There are also other damages in the form of kids who grow up without a father figure, financial strain and poor career advancement etc.

You are right…I shouldn’t be destroying my marriage and family just because I am chasing to reignite that spark…I guess all relationships are the same…starting off like wild fire and the fire started to die down along with any sparks after you’ve been with that person for a long time, along with that passion…I guess that is also why we are here seeking for comfort and pleasure from others…but I need to really detach that emotion, which somehow just crept in

[EtherC]

Even the universe will meet its end through heat loss, eventually everything cools down and will become dark forever. But thankfully we humans will not live long enough to see that. In our short lives its up to ourselves to create our own sparks within. Going on new adventures, learning new things, breaking the staid routine and give each other surprises : cosplay, new gifts, celebrations of achievements and the comfort + solace in darker times. Create your own opportunities for happiness , appreciate what we have and help others. Even a single kind word can save another soul.

[Tooth]

Kinda worst feeling to keep thinking, keeping busy helps to forget, as time passes. Wish you good luck in your path

[pokilam]

u need to consider carefully before making any moves. All the best for you.

[Wingor]

Originally Posted by Tooth

Kinda worst feeling to keep thinking, keeping busy helps to forget, as time passes. Wish you good luck in your path

Thanks very much…it’s affecting my sex life with my wife tbh…I was thinking of her while getting intimate with my wife..I really hope I can get over her

[larue]

Originally Posted by Wingor

Thanks very much…it’s affecting my sex life with my wife tbh…I was thinking of her while getting intimate with my wife..I really hope I can get over her

It’s not a matter of hope. It is a matter of will.