Need help in dealing with a very painful Divorce.

[ace7788]

Hi TS

Maybe you can let us know what sort of advice & assistance you need. I had been through a divorce once (dun think I will wish to go through it again), and I understand the agony and the immense mental torture.

Seriously, we can't offer you a fast solution, but what we can offer are some advice to ease your pain and smoothen the legal process.

Also, try to keep a clear and open mind, and avoid getting too emotional if there is no light out of this tunnel now. You can first tell your ex-spouse that "let's complete the legal process peacefully and we could continue as friend when it ends." & "otherwise, we will erase all good memories we share & leave ourselves with anger & frustration".

If you can accommodate her request, do it then.

[sammyboyfor]

Originally Posted by SaD:(

I don't think i am able to advice you more on the marriage matter.

Should be "I don't think I am able to ADVISE you....".

"Advice" is a noun.

[onegoal]

Originally Posted by lancer76

Bro.. I believe that communication is important. She knows about my deepest darkest secret that no body in this world exept those who were involved in it. I know now that it's all my fault because we went thru alot of problems for the past few years all cause by me. I was having alot of problems with flashbacks and she was the only one who stand by me and the pillar that gave me all the moral support during those horrible time. I tried to tell her as much as i can.

i guess i was like you living in a dream and dun realise to give... Took her for granted. But i've realise that just last month and have been trying to correct that. But she told me she lost the feeling already and not willing to give it another go. well... i should have told her of all the plans that i have in our life. but i wanted those to be a surprise to her. She told me she will not give me another chance even if i were to 'chase' her again. Because she realise that we are good friends but not suitable for eachother...

I'm actually planning to wait for awhile longer than launch operation 'Wife Chaser'(lame name i know) but i'm not giving up bro. i believe that if she's willing to marry me once she'll always have feelings for me. Well i need to show her my old self again which was a fun-loving, easy-going, happy-go-lucky guy that was me.

After this incident i've come to realise she is the most important person in my life and i really love her, it's just that i don't know how to express my love to her. I really suck at that... But i've always shown her how much i appreciate her by doing little things for her that she'll notice.

Thanks for reconfirming what i believe bro. Wish me luck in my future operations.

Dont be sad, life has to go on.
Win her back if you think there is a good future between the 2 of you.
Btw, i believe in fortune telling or chinese horoscope.
Go and seek one for alternative advice as well.
It'll help somehow also.

I hope things will turn out well.

[aces68]

bro lancer76,

From your postings, I can't judge whether you are divorced or in the process of divorce or thinking about divorce. To be frank, each person has their own problems and circumstances vary from others.

In my case, I contemplated divorce once but recently after some enlightenment, I decided to change everything and try to re-discover our love and salvage our marriage..I am still trying.

If you want to chat and TCSS, PM me.

[FL Lover]

Originally Posted by aces68

bro lancer76,

From your postings, I can't judge whether you are divorced or in the process of divorce or thinking about divorce. To be frank, each person has their own problems and circumstances vary from others.

In my case, I contemplated divorce once but recently after some enlightenment, I decided to change everything and try to re-discover our love and salvage our marriage..I am still trying.

If you want to chat and TCSS, PM me.

TS, maybe you should ask yourself why does your marriage fails? Did you neglect your wife too much? A woman heart does not change easily unless you have did something to hurt her...

Real life story. My marriage used to be on the rock. Divorce is on the card in fact. I did ask myself at that point y does my marriage breaking apart and I realise most of the time, its my fault.

What I did, I rediscover our love and salvage my marriage for the sack of my children.... Now I am happily living with the woman I love and everything is stable....

Maybe its time you should do that... We guys have to make the first move always.

[lancer76]

i'm in the process of getting a divorce. i know it's my fault because i've grown so used to her as we were very good friends before we got married, took her for granted for too long and this is the end result.. i do not want to get a divorce but she's very firm on it. I've never seen her like that at all dat's why i'm lost right now but since we've not seen any lawyer yet i'm letting her kinda cool off for a week or 2 than i'll start my operation. So i hope i'll succeed wish me luck. I really do not want to lose this marriage. wish me luck bros.

Thanks for all the advise from you guys. Really appreciate it.

[ShittyAss]

Originally Posted by lancer76

After this incident i've come to realise she is the most important person in my life and i really love her, it's just that i don't know how to express my love to her. I really suck at that... But i've always shown her how much i appreciate her by doing little things for her that she'll notice.

Thanks for reconfirming what i believe bro. Wish me luck in my future operations.

This ONLY shows u are still emotionally attached to her. Not that after this incident and u realise blah blah blah and how impt she is and those shit....u r just telling urself that she is ur impt one......i hav read thru ur story and replies by bros....

But..sorry to say this bro...forget it...she is not a willing party to reconcile with u. Ur story earlier tells me so.

Love need not be express. Express and action is simply to show ur presence. If she understands u, she will feel ur love. Yes..little things and stuff...but at this stage, sorry she cant remember single shit. U can do all that u want now, and i bet with u to my last dollar, she dun care a single bit at all. Try it and tell me how many times u will smack the wall.

Hope u can make it by waking up...and not pinning a slightest hope of getting back to her.

[ShittyAss]

Originally Posted by aces68

bro lancer76,

In my case, I contemplated divorce once but recently after some enlightenment, I decided to change everything and try to re-discover our love and salvage our marriage..I am still trying.

If you want to chat and TCSS, PM me.

Good for u as salvaging is a two way things. Good luck!!

But seems to me that lancer76 is on a one way traffic while his partner is on a runaway train!

[ShittyAss]

Originally Posted by FL Lover

TS, maybe you should ask yourself why does your marriage fails? Did you neglect your wife too much? A woman heart does not change easily unless you have did something to hurt her...

Real life story. My marriage used to be on the rock. Divorce is on the card in fact. I did ask myself at that point y does my marriage breaking apart and I realise most of the time, its my fault.

What I did, I rediscover our love and salvage my marriage for the sack of my children.... Now I am happily living with the woman I love and everything is stable....

Maybe its time you should do that... We guys have to make the first move always.

Bro..like i mentioned earlier to other bros....its a two way traffic...rediscover ur love must ur partner allow and wants to rediscover with u dio bo?

U can do all tat u one, but if she bo chap and made her mind, u think u can make it to the end of the tunnel?

I can safely say out of 10marriage, easily 8 marriages are the guys wanting to salvage lst. 1 marriage will be mutual agreement to part...1 marriage will be request salvage from the ger side.

And with 8 marriage with 1st request from the guy...can easily say ALL guys
cannot face the fact. They did not think thru and chin chat just request for reconcilation lst then say later about other things. During nego time, the gers can ask for the sky and the guys can easily promise lst and then to burst later again.

When a marriage is on a rock, its always two parties at fault. Its never one party's fault.

[ShittyAss]

Originally Posted by lancer76

i'm in the process of getting a divorce. i know it's my fault because i've grown so used to her as we were very good friends before we got married, took her for granted for too long and this is the end result.. i do not want to get a divorce but she's very firm on it. I've never seen her like that at all dat's why i'm lost right now but since we've not seen any lawyer yet i'm letting her kinda cool off for a week or 2 than i'll start my operation. So i hope i'll succeed wish me luck. I really do not want to lose this marriage. wish me luck bros.

Thanks for all the advise from you guys. Really appreciate it.

Sorry to hear this bro...but u have fallen into the typical trap of getting married. The stats of divorce cases are rising yearly though marriage yearly is as much as well.

U married for the wrong reason, very good friends. Of cos there are couples whom are very good friends turn out to have a happy ending as well. But majority doesnt.

Let her cool off is a good thing. But since u said she is firm, u have to and must move on. U dun have a choice. Being despo / down / depress / sad / give up life, does not help her to come back. And all ur actions, she cant be bothered to take a second view.

[ShittyAss]

Originally Posted by SaD:(

Hi Bros Lancer76

I don't think i am able to advice you more on the marriage matter.

Try not to keep yourself alone; i believe the right now your heart is hurting. Do something that will keep your mind free for a moment. e.g. cycling at east coast alone, asked some friend to meet up drink coffee...

The more you are alone the worst you might be. Depression. Try to avoid such time to be alone. Watching too much DVD or TV will not help. Cos sometime, the movie that you watch will recall the same scenario of what happen to you and partner before.

Take care, sun will shine after the rain.

To brosad and brolance76, tough moment dun last forever...tough guys last a lifetime...

[sammyboyfor]

Originally Posted by lancer76

Thanks for all the advise from you guys. Really appreciate it.

Should be "Thanks for all the ADVICE from you guys.".

"Advise" is a verb.

[gertt234]

Originally Posted by sammyboyfor

Should be "Thanks for all the ADVICE from you guys.".

"Advise" is a verb.

Wow, seems like your objective in life is to find all the word "Advise" in this forum and correct it to "Advice".

[DTCEPL]

Originally Posted by lancer76

I really do not want to lose this marriage.

A couple gets married due to Yin Yuan.....Yin Guo, through many past lives it is build (teaching in Buddhism I guess, with my limited understands).

Do what you need and could to savage back your marriage, but be prepared to let go the past if things cannot be helped or saved. Your life could be miserable in the beginning, but don't do anything to hurt her or yourself, just let the incident goes through time, time will numbed your heart and the incident will soon be placed in a part of your mind far away and soon becomes history.

Avoid movies, songs, places that reminds you of the past relationship, don't keep holding on to it or have any hopes (hopes only disappoints a man), keep yourself busy with work (get a job), do things that you like that occupied ALL your time.

Way to go Bro, you can walk out of it, time will prove just that.

[qwerty66]

Bro. even if you are in the process of divorce. There is a three year seperation before the papers are final.

During this time. Give some space for each other but REMEMBER to make your present felt. Dont disappear from her life. Else you make the mistake of giving her the impression that you have given up on the relationship. Make changes to your life where you think you have err. It is also good improvement to yourself. Go on and live your life but dont commit to another relationship unless you want to give up this one.

Call or SMS her time and again. A good day here and have a nice day there. It sound nice and caring. She may not agreed at first, just keep it up and be casual in the message. After a period of cooling off. Try to date her again. Should work. You have won her heart before. Do it agian bro. All the best.