Quote:
Originally Posted by xiaocrystal
hello to all brothers,
just a short intro abt myself. I'm 25yo, married with 2 little kids. have been reading the threads on and off when I could, and nw I need some advices from you all.
here it goes:
last night I had a quarrel with my hub because I found that he intentionally deleted this whatsapp chat with this particular woman who is single and abt 30-35yo whom he knew from some games. I'm actually okay with him knowing new friends and chat with them because I thought it's just some social networking. but when I realized he deleted the chat (it was there all the while before), I knew something was not quite right. and when questioned, he gave lousy excuses or just trying to smoke away from me. so I threw a fit and we fought because I just hate it for the fact that he can't come clean with me. ended up he threw a punch on my face and now I have a swollen cheekbone. it made me even more mad and suspicious now because how could he did all these to me just over a mere friend known over cyberspace for just less than a week?!!!!
long story short, so after awhile he told me because he sent an image of a box of condoms to her and was just trying to be funny with her, purely joking he meant. in order not to let me gets upset or paranoid, he deleted the chat and so he says. oh forgot to mention, my hub is 2yrs older than me only. so the question now is why does my hub wanna do that to her ie sending her the image?! just purely bought a box of condoms out of fun to chat with her only or he meant other stuffs? (we don't use condoms at all so I dunno why he bought that for ) I really want to know how you guys think?
this is not the first time my hub did such stuffs to me (be it hitting me or cheating on me). I'm just so tired and I really did my job well, looking after the kids well and manage the home well.
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Hi Sis,
You are the only person in this world who knows your hubby's persona, since its been for a few years at least you've been sleeping next to him, considering you guys share between the both of you; Therefore, any one who offers their advice, can only be using a broadbrush approach, me included. So really, u need to understand its not a one size fits all solution. I will attempt to share my 2 cents worth, but its strictly from my perspectives, as a guy: -
(1) "...intentionally deleted... woman... it was there all the while before..."
The deletion is no biggie really, and the original contents may or may not be proof of adultery. It could be as minor as harmless flirting, which guys do all the time, to medium sextings, to serious professions of Love & affection. I suggest u don't read too much into this. Guys 逢场作戏 (I haven't seen any who don't anyway in the mildest degrees) all the time, so it could be as minor as a harmless flirt, he got guilty and worried and he knew you found out, so he deleted before u could read it.
(2) Questioned... Gave lousy excuses... Smoke away... Can't come clean
This could be further to the above in (1). It may not that be that he can't come clean w/ u but really, as simple as he doesn't know how to. Its difficult for guys to explain sometimes, why we do funny things like flirt, sweet-talk, serenade on the minor scale of things to the more serious sexting, profess, e.t.c for no reason. Its true, it is difficult for us to explain. All guys 逢场作戏, be it occasionally or constantly. Its true, and its a fact most females already know.
(3) Image of condoms...
I get u sis. This is probably a lie. But really, the contents of that messenger, or the images therein, is really a non-issue. He could have conjured out this lie, because he didn't know how to explain to u? Or because its really that big a can of worms to be opened so he chose to cover up? OR it may even be true, really. Some guys, are that pointless.
(4)
Not the first time... Hitting... or Cheating
This is the real issue Sis. Hitting a gal by a guy, regardless of any reason, is the major no no. I don't know his frequency for doing so, or the degree of injury he inflicts on u each time, or the circumstances leading to him doing so, so I can't advise really. Pertaining to his cheating, I don't know the kind of lies he told or the kinda proof u have tt he had indeed lied, so again, I can't advise.
Still, no woman should tolerate being hit by a man, this, I suggest, you make it clear to him. PPOs can be applied, but unless you are contemplating a divorce, it is not viable. The best way, is to make your stand clear to him. Any violation thereafter, should not be tolerated.
Sis, 1st & foremost u need to consider your position seriously before anything else, (i) the kind of man u know him to be; (ii) does he love you and do you love him; (iii) are you willing to remain married to this man; (iv) does your children love and respect him as a father; (v) were you at any point in time injured gravely by him; (vi) are there any good points about him worthy of you hanging on; & most imptly
(vii) do u feel he respects ur feelings, u as a person & u as his wife.
my 2 cents worth, cheers.