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I'm not in your situation so I cant say I understand, I can only provide a listening ear. I guess for you, divorce will be very difficult because of the kids. Hope you can have a favourable conclusion, maybe you can try asking her to separate but not divorce (for the kids), I see several benefits to that. Maybe by the time your kids realize, they will be old enough to understand the situation.
I am also in a bit of a situation myself, if you don't mind me sharing I can post in the next reply.
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