[Pussalia]

I have been lurking on this forum for over 10 years and have always relied on this forum to satisfy all my sexual fantasies and desires. Visiting FLs, MLs, ONS with girls at siamdius - I tried most of it.

I got married 6 years ago and had to find a safer alternative to continue feeding my sexual compulsion. I started turning to sex chatting with random girls on WeChat, online live webcams and the occasional visiting MLs for handjobs.

I got caught twice by wife and at that point she has given me the ultimatum to stop or she will file for a divorce. Instead of looking for ways to amend my addict self, I started looking for ways to hide my traces so I can continue with my compulsion.

I never saw the need to seek help for my sexual compulsion, until today - caught for the third time, on the verge of a divorce, regretting why I did not seek help earlier.

As I am crying, separated from my wife and typing this post, I have come to terms to myself and acknowledge my sexual compulsion - but at what cost? If all of you are wondering if I went on a sex rampage to continue fulfilling my fantasies, no I didn’t. I am now seeking help from a counsellor and on my third session now, restarting my life again being sober.

The point is, if you have not been caught yet, I urge you to stop now. The consequences will be severe and it’s not worth the short pleasure you get from your compulsions.

I found this book “Breaking the Cycle: Free Yourself from Sex Addiction, Porn Obsession, and Shame” very helpful in my journey to recovery. If anyone is interested, you can google it and download for free on pdf drive.

I am sharing this because (1) it is part of my recovery exercise to journal stuff down and (2) I sincerely hope no one has to go through the same shit as I did. This addiction does nothing but leaves you feeling guilty, embarrassed and ashamed for hurting your partner and destroying a family that you have painstakingly built.