Brudder, I've seen and heard guys like you end up in therapy (shrink's office alone). Sometimes I get mixed signals from my gal and I'm lost as well. The only consolation for me is that I'm not married to her yet. Believe me when I say that sometimes, women themselves don't know what they want, but it is more deadly when they know what they want and do not tell you about it. Give yourself some space and not read too much into it.

Ironically, women think that men are only in sex for sex's sake. That is not necessarily true (Ladies, please do some self-help reading and you'll know why I said so). Some men do genuinely want to please their partners in life and they do give in to their spouses (even when they know that the wife is in the wrong), but it takes a smart woman to come to her own senses and realize this and appreciate their husbands for their understanding. Smart wives build a strong marriage on this, others abuse it and take their husbands for granted and from then on think its their GOD given right to have her way in a marriage. Sure, the guy could keep this up for as long as he can endure it, but the marriage will eventually fail when the guy feels like he is a fool. Happens too often when a marriage is based on false expectations and unrealistic demands on either partner in a marriage. When one party fails to deliver, the contract gets terminated. Just a piece of info, your marriage cert is a legally binding contract. Hence, you can choose to terminate it by means of a divorce, when one party fails to abide by the stipulated clauses contained therein.

My personal advice (this is not a prescription) is to take time to build up intimacy. The little things. A kiss here (cheek, lips, palm, forehead), a touch there (hands, palm, waist, neck, ears, arms, shoulders). Get her warmed up and leave it at that. It’s not a prelude to foreplay or sex, but just making her feel like a desired woman again (desired as in not just desired for sex and a woman not just for sex). Save the flowers and dinner treat unless you are well-to-do and can afford to pamper your spouse, but if you use this as a form of emotional bribery, she start to expect this on a periodical basis, which is not a good thing for the marriage. However, if she is really suffering from post-natal depression, then all the above will not work. Meds and treatment is in order.

Please seek help by talking to friends (friends who are in a positive marriage) or trained professionals when the situation is no longer within your control. There is nothing embarrassing when a couple knows that there is a problem in the marriage and they are actively working towards making the situation better. This could help you let your spouse know how much you value this marriage and want to make it work with him/her. This can be mis-interpreted by some spouses, so it needs to be communicated tactfully in-order for it to work.

"Eating-out" is a known phenomenon and I am not condoning it, but it is a reality. Some marriages are just so bad that when I hear about them, I can't blame the guy/gal. Some spouses just refuse to admit that there is a problem in a marriage and remain adamant that there is still nothing wrong with the marriage even when they proceed with divorce proceedings. It is entertaining and sad to see two educated people refusing to admit that there is a problem that can be worked out by the two of them (on most occasions) and would prefer to end the marriage in a divorce.

I see too many of such cases and I just hope this change in values and perspective towards marriage and what it takes for a marriage to work does not get warped out of proportion. The "image" of marriage is different from 30 years ago, but the foundation of it has not changed much. I just hope people will not look at this piece of contract so lightly. It seems the level of tolerance and compromise in a marriage is diminishing as we speak.

Let me know if you really need some help.