Torn

[shake]

Any bro here can give some suggestions!!!!

1 year ago I was in the middle of my divorce case as my marriage did not worked out and we both agreed to a divorce.

Last summer, this wonderful girl came into my life had so much in common and we both thought this is the one. All of sudden, before the final court hearing...My ex fell ill..under the pressure from all family members and kids..they want me to stay and be with my ex during this difficult time, but in doing so i am on the verge of loosing my current GF.

I love my GF and staying with my ex is only to make her strong and willing to seek professional help. What should i do??

[colins]

I believe if you're living in a place with western culture, this will not be a problem. You can happily choose to be with your gf and ex means ex. Nobody has a say in how you run your life.

But since we're all in this culture, you have a problem with the expectations from everybody, including yourself and your gf. Put it this way, if the worst case scenario happens (touch wood ok), your ex pass on. You get blamed and outcasted, possibly even by your gf. You yourself may not live contentedly as you will have a great burden on causing your once-loved one to suffer and eventually die.

Your divorce case is immaterial at the moment, you have to live within everybody's limit on how to carry on your life. Maybe that's the main reason for your trouble. But which is more important? Your own acceptance within your family and kids? Or your own happiness without all of them? Your gf hasn't got a right to say anything, this is between you and your ex.

If you gf understands your situation, and is able to see that you are responsible and performing responsibly now to protect a future (between you and your gf), she should be willing to give you time. She NEEDS to see your role in this matter rather than just your role towards her as a bf. She also need to see the good side of you in doing what you are doing now. On the other hand, both you and your gf have a chance to be the 'winner' in the entire matter, I know winner is a lousy word, but you still got the chance to emerge normal or happier. Your ex, however, is fighting a losing game. Hopefully she is not trying to use her illness to hold onto you, otherwise she is one poor thing who needs more than somebody who succumbs to cultural expectation. She needs somebody who is genuinely concerned over her well-being.

My advice is, stay with your ex till certain conditions are met (e.g. she gets well, she decides to leave, she find another, she pass on or for a certain period of time) OR leave now with your gf. The second option means you lose all your family member's and kids' trust for some time. Some people will understand your position but your kids may never understand. But whatever you decide, decide fast and put your heart into that role, be it a caring husband or caring bf. The worst is to put yourself into a role unwillingly and loses both sides.

Do explain your decision to your gf, she deserves that. However, she hasn't got a say and must accept what you have decided. Lastly, keep everything transparent and do what your promise. Keeping your word is probably the last thing you can do for her.

For reference, took me 9 months of agony and tons of shit from ex's family. I chose my 'gf' but in the end, we never got together.

[Midnightiger]

Any bro here can give some suggestions!!!!

1 year ago I was in the middle of my divorce case as my marriage did not worked out and we both agreed to a divorce.

Last summer, this wonderful girl came into my life had so much in common and we both thought this is the one. All of sudden, before the final court hearing...My ex fell ill..under the pressure from all family members and kids..they want me to stay and be with my ex during this difficult time, but in doing so i am on the verge of loosing my current GF.

I love my GF and staying with my ex is only to make her strong and willing to seek professional help. What should i do??

Why bother ask for suggestions here when eventually you will do what you probably already have in mind to do?

You mean you will listen to our suggestion if we ask you to forget your wife, let her die (should be serious illness right?)and go with your present GF? Or leave your GF and stay with your ex?

If you really need opinions, don't you think discussing it with your family like your parents is more important and our opinions?

My 2 cents worth.

[protector]

There are not much options you have, difficult for us to advise you since we are not you and do not really know how you feel ....

[no_faith]

this wonderful girl...
...my current GF.

...
wonderful gal = PRC?
current gf = SG?

[corvette]

Haha bro no_faith

maybe it is

wonderful ger = prc
current ger = prc

or

wonderful ger = sg
current ger = sg

or

wonderful ger = sg
current ger = prc

[baleno_polo]

You can try explaining to your current gf about the whole situation. Tell her you are not a heartless man. Just like we chinese always say : 一夜夫妻白日恩. I believe that she wouldn't want to be with a heartless man also. Yes she might be jealous, but given the fact that you are telling her the truth and not hiding anything from her already shows that you are honest and sincere towards her. Just my thought :)

[Hades]

Haha, Good Horse No Eat Return Grass .... :D