PDA

View Full Version : Marriage on the rocks?


loster
20-01-2008, 01:52 AM
Hi guys/gals here,

I have a problem which I would like to share. Firstly, my wife and I don’t live together. I only meet her during the weekends at her house. Before going to her house, I will buy lunch and all the basic necessities for her. Then whenever we watch DVD, she will react negatively to me touching her. And this is when the quarrel starts. She mentioned that I always do everything so that I can have sex with her. The truth is yes, but which guy don’t? And when I ask her if she love me, she said she love me last time but not now as I ask for sex.

Our sex frequency is once a month at best, and I have to practically beg her for it. Since married, she is addicted to gaming and I have to resort to having sex with pros in order to satisfy my urges. I do not want to do this but she is forcing me. Now I am feeling very sad every week as the same scenario happens. I don’t know what to do to salvage the marriage. I am very confused if I have made the right decision in marriage.

Can I ask if married guys change after they are married?

thisisme
20-01-2008, 02:01 AM
Hey bro,

Don't be dis-hearted.
I think you guys lack of communication.

1) How come only meet on weekends? what about weekdays?
2) What is the game she's into? Why not pick up this new hobby and play with her?
3) Pay more attention to her, since she said you only want her for sex. Maybe the problem is you. If you shower more love to her, she might not feel that you only want her for sex. This could be due to that you only meet her on weekends. Spend more time.

So ultimately, if you really want to salvage this relationship, communication is the key.

my 2-cents :cool:

loster
20-01-2008, 02:55 AM
1) I knock off at 6plus which makes me very tired. If i come on weekdays, she will say that i am disturbing her rountine.
2) I am trying my best to play with her but she is too high a level for me as i dun play frequently
3) I am trying but still dunno what she wans.

Johnston
20-01-2008, 03:45 AM
[QUOTE=loster;2533672]
2) I am trying my best to play with her but she is too high a level for me as i dun play frequently
[QUOTE]

So what online game is it? World of warcraft, gunbound , maple or what?
if it is world of warcraft you can get a quick fix of knowledge by buying the strategy guides. Or you could also search around for people who level up for you if you pay them.

KingEros
20-01-2008, 07:32 AM
1) my wife and I don’t live together. I only meet her during the weekends at her house.
2) I knock off at 6plus which makes me very tired. If i come on weekdays, she will say that i am disturbing her rountine.
................................................
Can I ask if married guys change after they are married?
IMHO, I think your problem doesn't lie with the issue of gaming or sex ... instead, I think it's the whole fundamental issue of WHY BOTHER TO GET MARRIED IN THE FIRST PLACE, IF YOU GUYS HAD NO INTENTION OF LIVING FOR EACH OTHER??

In other words, your question should really read CAN I ASK IF THERE ARE OTHER CASES OF SUCH HOLLOW MARRIAGES?? :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

PS: That aside, I think your marriage (if you still wanna keep it) can only get better AFTER you overcame whatever current obstacles & make her live together with you. But if you wanna call it quits, you can easily do so (as in not end up with obligations of maintenance) on the grounds of non-consummation - I mean, the addresses on your respective ICs still state different addresses, right??

Alkano
20-01-2008, 08:43 AM
Ever try going to see a marriage counsellor?
It will be good if you and your wife can pour out during the sessions.
In the meantime, do try establish constant communication.
Cheers bro.

tnb1206
20-01-2008, 09:10 AM
Yes I do agree that the problem lies more than just sex or gaming....

I am afraid you guys had lost the "communication" part of your life...

maybe you should review what had happened....what usually you have been doing with her before this thing happened.
is there something went wrong along the way?.....

the above problems normally are tie up with "distraction" from the norm...maybe she is trying to "ran away" from the reality that there is a problem with the relationship with gaming...

well...as mentioned seek a marriage counsellor if necessary
if uncomfy, then both of you have to sit down and really talk it out....
really understand each other needs..and come to point if there is something "hiding" between you guys...let it out..and sort it out..in extreme....if a separation is for the better of both...then let it be...its definitely better than get stuck "mid-way" point right?

I know it is hard....but if you get your mind focus and aim to finding the truth... the truth will tell you what to do in the next step......Good Luck!!!

loster
20-01-2008, 11:40 AM
Before this issue actually happened, I was busy with my career and studies for the past 3 years. Hence, I felt that I may have neglected her. Initially when I know her, I was very reluctant to go out. Now seems that we have swapped roles.

I beginning to believe whether it is karma?

tnb1206
20-01-2008, 12:01 PM
would you think that she has "found" someone?
she dont want to tell you..but yet cannot feel for you anymore?

are you observant enough to notice the usual changes when a person has another partner already?....just guessing!!!

is she a kinky/horny type of girl before this issue arises?....does she changed her attitude towards u?....got to detect such changes as it means......:rolleyes:

loster
20-01-2008, 01:00 PM
All i know that she is engrossed into a guy on the game. not living in sg though...

everywhere
20-01-2008, 01:50 PM
let me clarify something: so you guys got married but never moved in together. and because of your work+studies, you did not pay too much attention to her ever since you got married. now you're trying to win her back, but she's resisting it. is that right?

bro, no offence, but this is not a marriage. it's not even an arrangement of convenience. it's just an obstacle for progress for the both of you. if you ask me, the best option is to go your separate ways. you will do better with another partner, so will she. despite what you may think, i don't think you actually love her anymore, and i don't think she loves you either - not enough to make an effort to try and get close to you.

colins
20-01-2008, 05:07 PM
I believe both of you sort of lost the pace of your relationship, its like you are running somewhere else and she is totally out of your view to have any decent communication. I think you still care for her, because while you can get satisfied outside, you still take effort to visit her routinely and request for sex. But with no closeness, she wouldnt give it to you unless she force herself to.

It hard to judge who still loves who, but that doesnt matter much at this moment. What matter most is to close the distance between you and your wife. It may be like chasing after her skirt all over again but kinda uphill because she knows you more and she has got some opinion on you now. For all you know, she may even have some hidden grudge that is burdening her to open up to you.

Girls and wives are the same as in they all need concern and a little bit of flattery. Find out what she likes, and go for it. Be frank with your intention and ask her to give you a chance to get closer. Stay away from asking for sex until she is less defensive. Most of all, you probably need to change your lifestyle a little to cater to her needs. She may appear unconcerned for a while at first, but trust me, she'll see your effort and will give you a mindful of what and how she thinks about the situation. With that, you can then start to salvage the relationship by giving her what she wants.

All of this, is of cos important if you still want to be with her and improve your relationship with her. But one thing for certain, if you never try to improve it, it can only deteriorate further. Relationship is sometimes like a bank account, if everyone only want to draws from it, it will drain out one day. Someone needs to save and put back some, and hope that one day the interest can sustain everyone.

Take care bro.