Maintaining a marriage...

[nonentity]

i always wonder how does couples maintain their marriage staying faithful and all, ex. in the tvs or movies... i have never believe that in real life... maybe some has done it.. who knows?

for me, i've tried and suceeded been faithful in the 1st year of my marriage always thinking i'll love my partner for the rest of my life... i was wrong... slowly i've lost interest having sex wif her eventually totally lost interest in her...

so i started to flirt again and having ONSs, man it was good to be a bachelor... but amazingly, my feeling starts growing for my wife again... i dun know why but it just happened...

anyone has any experience of similar situation pls do share...

now my conclusion is i'm going to continue sacrificing myself by flirting and having ONSs just to maintain this marriage... sometimes u have to cheat a little to achieve a bigger goal...

[tittyhawk]

Perhaps my thread would give u some ideas n thoughts -

http://www.sammyboyforum.com/showthread.php?p=1406781#post1406781

[Harrier24B]

so i started to flirt again and having ONSs, man it was good to be a bachelor... but amazingly, my feeling starts growing for my wife again... i dun know why but it just happened...


Marriage is a compromise......so you have to remain faithful AT HEART while you get some 'fun' occasionally outside.

This , my friend, is the way a marriage can survive for the new generation.....

The other way is to have a kid and when both of you love the kid so much, you cant bear to split anymore.....

:cool:

[Jewel]

Hi all, few qns,
Is it normal for most guys to stray after marriage? Does love gets lost after awhile? and do most guys get tired of it after having sex with their partner for some time as in the situation after marriage? Not talking about sbf forummers only but most guys in general...:confused:

[itsabt6x]

to me...love don't get lost along the way...it's always there (just taking a back seat....sometimes)...having variety does spice things up for a while but then again, as the saying goes..."the grass across the fance always seems greener".....till u r there...that is....

i've always proclaimed (even to my OC) that i'm no One-Woman-Man....but it's her i'll ALWAYS come home to.....to her, ignorance is BLISS...!

long as i know where HOME is n don't...i say DON'T ever bring home unwanted presents!!! :eek: cos if u do...it's DOOMS day....:mad:

[nuclearkid]

*LOL* This is a rather radical definition of marriage sustenance. Turn it the other way round, would you condone your wife to do the same thing as love her the way she is? Its fair play, afterall, isn't it?: I tend to think that you are at least subconsciously guilty about your misendeavours outside, hence try to compensate by 'loving' your wife more. This justification to keep your marraige alive would not hold water in the eyes of the law (if you have been caught with your pants down) and logically so.

[itsabt6x]

...... but amazingly, my feeling starts growing for my wife again... i dun know why but it just happened.....

happens all the time....much like taking a roller coaster ride...u get on n off n on n off....again n again.....:rolleyes:

[tittyhawk]

Hi all, few qns,
.......
Yup..marriage life is totally different, love gets dull n routine....but it all depends on how u handle it....;)

[asdfghjkl]

just an interesting observation, those faithful husbands that i know have never heard of this forum? erm.. :rolleyes:

[laoren50]

flirt with caution and prevention.cheers:p

[sk_33]

The best policy is not to even start - if not you'll decend down the slippery slope...


"I smoke, but I never inhale" ;)

[imor_hut]

to me, making LOVE and having SEX is 2 different issue in term of physcology or our mindset,i've been married for 8 years and when i start to lose interest in having sex with my wife, i indulge in extra marital affair with a younger girl but when you play with fire, u burnt. wife get to know, my life's getting messier. then i realised, be a husband at home, be a man outside. right now, at home, i m the husband, i make love to my wife, once i out the house, i m a man, no more affair, want to have sex, visit this forum, make few phone calls, prepare some cash and the rest is history. a friend ever told me this,
EVERYDAY EAT THE SAME THING OSO SIAN MAH... we only live once, enjoy it while we can.

[sk_33]

How would you feel if your wife did the same? Men have double standards ;)

[imor_hut]

How would you feel if your wife did the same? Men have double standards ;)
its a no win situation, i believe not all men are saints and not all wives are angel, any party can start it first, in my case, i started it first, if my wife do the same, its karma... i strongly believe that we, MEN OR HUSBANDS, will not die just because of one girl.

[sk_33]

A much older uncle once told me - dun be stupid - only your wife will look after you when you are old and sickly. He has seen many of his friends leave their wives for much younger women (PRCs) only be left all on their own when they are old. Hated and despised by his wife and kids and the PRC running off with a another man... that's karma

[Promfret]

To maintain a marriage takes 2 hands to clap...
Give n take is a mus...
But one cant be keep on giving and the other keep on taking...
If there is any misunderstanding or quarrel,
it will be better to solve it there n then...
Cuz its woman's nature to Fan Jiu Zhang, Dig out the Past.
In the new generation now,
esp bros/sis here in SB,
Its likely that we once awhile will Tao Jia,
like ONS, Fling or GL...
But in ur heart, u mus know where n what u want...
R u able to bear the consequence shd ur Loved ones know abt it...
Most importantly,
u mus know how to clean up ur mouth when u do that.
Golden rule of chionging for married cheongsters,
nvr let the other party know,
where u work,
where u stay,
N standby a pre-paid card so that they wont interupt ur private life, n
u can chop them off when u feel like it...

All this is my IMHO,
Been there, Done that...;)

[imor_hut]

Really Agree With You Bro Promfet. Salute You.

[shengge]

i always wonder how does couples maintain their marriage staying faithful and all,

for me, i've tried and suceeded been faithful in the 1st year of my marriage always thinking i'll love my partner for the rest of my life... i was wrong... slowly i've lost interest having sex wif her eventually totally lost interest in her...

now my conclusion is i'm going to continue sacrificing myself by flirting and having ONSs just to maintain this marriage... sometimes u have to cheat a little to achieve a bigger goal...

Bro,
Marriage involves a lot of sacrifices, committment, trusts, compromises, understanding and etc....

I am very surprised when you said you totally lost interest in her. Marriage is not solely abt sex, there are many other things that both of you can do.

In this modern society, it is indeed very difficult to maintain a marriage, as there are a lots of influence compared to the past; Tao Jiat is almost unavoidable. However, if you are using the excuse of your wife to "eat out", then I think there is problem with you not her, as you choose to do so. 色不迷人！

Wife is the person that goes thru thin and thick with you. Those happiness that you have, all or most of all are thru lots of Yusof bin Ishak. You have chosen her to be your wife, I am sure there are many good points abt her that you admire, same for her. I think if you can start to appreciate what she has done for you, thing may turn out better.

Bro, be fair to your love ones.

No offence, just my 2cents.

Cheers!
Shengge

[tittyhawk]

色不迷人！

Wife is the person that goes thru thin and thick with you. Those happiness that you have, all or most of all are thru lots of Yusof bin Ishak. You have chosen her to be your wife, I am sure there are many good points abt her that you admire, same for her. I think if you can start to appreciate what she has done for you, thing may turn out better.


Well said....this statement I agreed. I mean when we choose our wife to be our life-long partner, the same goes for our wives when she chooses us to be the man by her side for the rest of her life.
It is a tempting world out there, but whatever unpleasant things we face whether its work or other stuff, when we came home, we always have the comfort of someone who knows you and cares about you. Marriage can achieve that.
Well, eat out is unavoidable for some of us here but it also depends on how we handle our emotions. The art of balancing is hard to learn.
:)

[powerspotlight]

marriage is also dangerous,,, before marriage is sweet... after marriage when yr wife see yr bad habit, she will start to nag, follow by arguement.. As time goes by, divorce will took place... :D

[shengge]

Well said....this statement I agreed.

It is a tempting world out there, but whatever unpleasant things we face whether its work or other stuff, when we came home, we always have the comfort of someone who knows you and cares about you. Marriage can achieve that.
Well, eat out is unavoidable for some of us here but it also depends on how we handle our emotions. The art of balancing is hard to learn.

Dear Bro tittyhawk,
Thanks for sharing same sentiment, I merely sharing my view here.

Indeed it is a very tempting world, I must admit to hard to resist at time.:D
The roots of all, I think when we start complain and compare. A senior friend of mine ever told me, marriage is about appreciating what you have done for each other; he said that prob I had complained too much to him before.:o

Anyway, I felt that threadstarter just simply said he lost interest with wife than he eat out, not citing any reason and he is going to maintain his marriage this way. Do you think he cheated to achieve a bigger goal?

Just my S$2 of Yusof bin Ishak.

Nice weekends.

Cheers!
Shengge

[fat29]

I do not totally agree that one has to eat out to maintain a happy marriage. Once you start flirting and enjoying carnal pleasures outside marriage and justifying it, it will become the reason to be a good hubby.

If you put your energies into something else such as playing a sport with your wife, reading or taking up a hobby such as writing, etc., your mind would be in better control and the need to stray will become absent though temptations will still plague you once in a while.

It is my own firm belief that the strength of the soul grows in proportion as we subdue the flesh. Regretably, I have not yet achieved this but that will not make me justify that flirting outside is a way to maintain a loving marriage.

Just my humble views.

[Promfret]

Agree wif bros who said that WIFE is someone whom u love for life.
Theres is no excuse for one to start e deadly game of betrayal.
If u truely loved ur WIFE/HUBBY, Kids n Family, Betrayal or Fling or ONS will nvr be on ur mind.
No Such thing as oops, i did it bcuz my wife is doing e same,
I was drunk,
I cant control my lust,
my wife cant satisfy me,
the lady seduced me,
All this will nvr be in ur dictionary if u truely loved someone...

Thats Y i chose to be alone rite now...
Can do watever i want n whenever i want.
The only day that u can say that u have been faithful to ur love ones n really fulfill the WEDDING VOWS is on the day that u Leave this world.
Till Death do us part...

It hard to be forever faithful,
but above all odds,
Love is e most powerful word in this world.
It can change all things...

It better to take a longer time to chose ur lifetime partner
den to jus presume that he/she will be e one.
The ones who stay by ur side when u r down is someone who deserve ur love,
n not someone who only knw how to enjoy ur success n leave u when u nose dived.:(

[Promfret]

I do not totally agree that one has to eat out to maintain a happy marriage. Once you start flirting and enjoying carnal pleasures outside marriage and justifying it, it will become the reason to be a good hubby.

If you put your energies into something else such as playing a sport with your wife, reading or taking up a hobby such as writing, etc., your mind would be in better control and the need to stray will become absent though temptations will still plague you once in a while.

It is my own firm belief that the strength of the soul grows in proportion as we subdue the flesh. Regretably, I have not yet achieved this but that will not make me justify that flirting outside is a way to maintain a loving marriage.

Just my humble views.

Agree...
The best is not to ever think of starting...
Cuz once start,
the Fire will burn.....
N it Hurts...

[Randi_Candi]

i always wonder how does couples maintain their marriage staying faithful and all, ex. in the tvs or movies... i have never believe that in real life... maybe some has done it.. who knows?

for me, i've tried and suceeded been faithful in the 1st year of my marriage always thinking i'll love my partner for the rest of my life... i was wrong... slowly i've lost interest having sex wif her eventually totally lost interest in her...

so i started to flirt again and having ONSs, man it was good to be a bachelor... but amazingly, my feeling starts growing for my wife again... i dun know why but it just happened...

anyone has any experience of similar situation pls do share...

now my conclusion is i'm going to continue sacrificing myself by flirting and having ONSs just to maintain this marriage... sometimes u have to cheat a little to achieve a bigger goal...
I had a debate w a gd fren on tis topic of R all men cats (do they eat "fish")
Wasn't able to convince him because a v goot mutual fren of ours turned out 2 b a cat when all others percieved he was not
True, he was commited to the family and provided everything that was needed.
But I stick my ground, I hv seen frens n relatives who r not cats even though they r married. Perhaps they had no disired to or they had no chance to, i nvr know n nvr will but til date they had not strayed an itsy bit @ all

My personal firm believe, if u r not ready, don't go out n harm ppl n harm urself (knowingly or unknowingly)

[chinchilla]

Bro,
Marriage involves a lot of sacrifices, committment, trusts, compromises, understanding and etc....

I am very surprised when you said you totally lost interest in her. Marriage is not solely abt sex, there are many other things that both of you can do.

In this modern society, it is indeed very difficult to maintain a marriage, as there are a lots of influence compared to the past; Tao Jiat is almost unavoidable. However, if you are using the excuse of your wife to "eat out", then I think there is problem with you not her, as you choose to do so. 色不迷人！

Wife is the person that goes thru thin and thick with you. Those happiness that you have, all or most of all are thru lots of Yusof bin Ishak. You have chosen her to be your wife, I am sure there are many good points abt her that you admire, same for her. I think if you can start to appreciate what she has done for you, thing may turn out better.

Bro, be fair to your love ones.

No offence, just my 2cents.

Cheers!
Shengge

Agreed with you bro, marriage is not all about sex, but sex is part of the marraige. Can marriage carry on without sex? Actually no right or wrong here, it very much depends on individual and case by case basis.

Example, my wife dislike sex. At times, hardly perform once in a month and my sex drive is high. Then how? Force her? Also not right. This cannot, that cannot, then what's the point of working so hard in such fast pace and stress society? therefore, once in a blue moon, if the timing is right, mood is right, just do what you wanna to relac relac. As long as, don't bring that feeling back home and affect your family happiness, i think is pretty reasonable. After all man is man.

I know a few cases, some professionals who work as doctor, GM, etc. They behave like Mr Nice man in SG. Once weekend comes, always giving excuse to golfing and go JB, keep mistress there or purposely find underage gals. are they right or wrong? It is not up to usto judge too. Hence, I strongly feel, "Do what you think is right, but make sure you are right."

To ALL BROS, no hard feeling. Above is only piece of comments like to share with ALL.

[BatistaSG]

Same sentiments as Bro Chinchilla as we are in the same situation. As a whole, once married, got to be committed. It's ok to 'eat out' sometimes but always remember to clean up and go home.

[shengge]

Example, my wife dislike sex. At times, hardly perform once in a month and my sex drive is high. Then how? Force her? Also not right. This cannot, that cannot, then what's the point of working so hard in such fast pace and stress society? therefore, once in a blue moon, if the timing is right, mood is right, just do what you wanna to relac relac. As long as, don't bring that feeling back home and affect your family happiness, i think is pretty reasonable. After all man is man.


Dear Bro chinchilla,
Well, I think most working-wives have lower sex drive compared to fulltime housewives, stress from work and family has damped their urge. Like us, they need an understanding hubby too; for me, I would rather let her rest.
It is good if both can Communicate, sometimes let her has 2~3 short break on her own, situation may change; after all, male or female, we are all human being.....there may be surprised:D
Prob some may not agree with me, well just my 2cents view.

Cheers!
Shengge

[EricssonMan]

Bro Shengge,
Cant agreed more as I would rather settle myself than disturb her.

[giggz83]

i quote my reply from another post!

well bro, being together happily ever after .. i remember my mom told me that she was on the verge on divorcing my dad several years back.

but it was bcos of me and my brothers .. that time we were young. that she decided not to.

and now .. she is a grandma .. and im a uncle liao!! hhaha..

having kids helps. but .. it is really hardwork from both sides that maintains a marriage or relationship.

:rolleyes:

[Hugo168]

I do not totally agree that one has to eat out to maintain a happy marriage. Once you start flirting and enjoying carnal pleasures outside marriage and justifying it, it will become the reason to be a good hubby.
If you put your energies into something else such as playing a sport with your wife, reading or taking up a hobby such as writing, etc., your mind would be in better control and the need to stray will become absent though temptations will still plague you once in a while.
It is my own firm belief that the strength of the soul grows in proportion as we subdue the flesh. Regretably, I have not yet achieved this but that will not make me justify that flirting outside is a way to maintain a loving marriage.
hmm very positively true, it is the belief of oneself to maintain a loving and faithful relationship the understanding and values of both parties are in line and there should not be a wall between 2 person where they are open to each other sharing everything openly to the extend that the trust and bond is there, when there is a problem there is no back door to run from and 2 person will have to make things work, these are thoughts a friend i recently met gave me i find it quite true and reasonable to follow. :)

[Castrol]

Agreed with you bro, marriage is not all about sex, but sex is part of the marraige. Can marriage carry on without sex? Actually no right or wrong here, it very much depends on individual and case by case basis.

.

i say its impossible for marriage to carry on without sex. it wont last long at least, becos problems will multiply.

and its good for guys to screw outside sometimes (w/o KC), so they will still have the urge to bonk the wife regularly - what i call the switch-back-urge. there's a saying - no matter no gorgeous the woman is, there's a man who's sick of her.

of course there are men who can be faithful all the way. different lifestyle if you will, they dont cheong. they may have favourite hobbies to keep them real busy; like stamps collecting, planting, airfix models, reading etc... :D

[SingViet]

i say its impossible for marriage to carry on without sex. it wont last long at least, becos problems will multiply.
and its good for guys to screw outside sometimes (w/o KC), so they will still have the urge to bonk the wife regularly - what i call the switch-back-urge. there's a saying - no matter no gorgeous the woman is, there's a man who's sick of her.
of course there are men who can be faithful all the way. different lifestyle if you will, they dont cheong. they may have favourite hobbies to keep them real busy; like stamps collecting, planting, airfix models, reading etc... :D

No matter how beautiful or sexy is your wife, you will reach a point in your marriage that you will not be terribly interested in her. This may be due to many reasons. Why not try to change some of the things? For example, instead of sticking to the same positions during intercourse, why not change to other positions? trying new things in marriage may just make it more interesting. At the same time, i believe that having kids will enhance the marriage . The couple will have something to look forward to everyday.

Just my 2 cents worth :D

[fat29]

Maybe those who need to cheong can learn from those who can direct their energies to the different lifestyle that you mentioned such as stamp collecting, airfix models, etc...

At least, one can save more money and provide better for the family, instead of spending it on commercial sex where it is purely for the satisfaction of lust without KC. Years down the road, when we look back and count the amount spent on commercial sex, I think we may regret it, especially those who have not saved sufficiently for old age. Will those who encourage their friends to cheong now be seen by their friends as one of those zhu peng gou you (in mandarin, it means friends who are negative in influence)?

i say its impossible for marriage to carry on without sex. it wont last long at least, becos problems will multiply.

and its good for guys to screw outside sometimes (w/o KC), so they will still have the urge to bonk the wife regularly - what i call the switch-back-urge. there's a saying - no matter no gorgeous the woman is, there's a man who's sick of her.

of course there are men who can be faithful all the way. different lifestyle if you will, they dont cheong. they may have favourite hobbies to keep them real busy; like stamps collecting, planting, airfix models, reading etc... :D

[Castrol]

trying new things in marriage may just make it more interesting. At the same time, i believe that having kids will enhance the marriage . The couple will have something to look forward to everyday.

Just my 2 cents worth :D

thats what i meant, try something new and interesting. just like screwing outside. what she doesnt know, wont hurt her - from a man's point of view of course. :D

[*FiReWoRkS*]

thats what i meant, try something new and interesting. just like screwing outside. what she doesnt know, wont hurt her - from a man's point of view of course. :D

yah its true that what she doesnt noe wun hurt her..but wouldnt wad u do behind her back prick yr gulity conscience?have u ever tink abt wad will u do if she was to find out 1 day n u lose a gd wife,a gd marriage n perhaps a gd happy family if u 2 happen to haf children liao..

isint it too big a loss?

[Castrol]

At least, one can save more money and provide better for the family, instead of spending it on commercial sex where it is purely for the satisfaction of lust without KC.

i believe most people dont spend too much on commercial sex, unlike those act rich robertos who think they fell in love with hookers. so people seldom will not provide their best for the family due to over spendings on com sex.

but alcohol, yes. it can become an addiction. the amount of money i spent in ktv and pubs drinking for this year alone, can send me go italia watch the milan and roman derbys many times. i look back now... geez i think i need a drink. :D

[Castrol]

yah its true that what she doesnt noe wun hurt her..but wouldnt wad u do behind her back prick yr gulity conscience?

guilty conscience vs the prick.
...
...
... ok the prick wins. :D

[Hugo168]

At least, one can save more money and provide better for the family, instead of spending it on commercial sex where it is purely for the satisfaction of lust without KC. Years down the road, when we look back and count the amount spent on commercial sex, I think we may regret it, especially those who have not saved sufficiently for old age.
Thanks for your input - "Great minds think alike" LOL,
anyway all these are just idealistic view we always need to try our best to make the right choices. :)

[Hugo168]

but alcohol, yes. it can become an addiction. the amount of money i spent in ktv and pubs drinking for this year alone, can send me go italia watch the milan and roman derbys many times. i look back now... geez i think i need a drink. :D
Well since you know the risk and damage take care bro..
Cheers hehe. :D