View Full Version : A Sad Story and a Warning of Sorts (No Graphic Details so be forewarned)
chrysler
09-06-2006, 10:13 AM
My friend of more than ten years have just had his life devastated. He went down for a checkup with his GP after feeling off for a long time and the blood test turned up HIV positive. After doing a check on the wife, apparently in a reverse case from the usual, his spouse infected him rather than the other way round.
He's one of those quiet, hard workers, and he's been a loyal friend since we were in secondary school together. He doesn't cheong and as far as I know have been faithful to his wife whose been with him since our secondary school (she went to a different school as we were in an all boys school) days. I don't know her that well even though we've been friends for so long as she doesn't really like to hang out with us. We're mostly on the "hi, bye" relationship: enough for small talk but not really that close at all.
Apparently she's been having an affair with someone who's also passing acquaintance of mine. They've contacted him as he's in the States now as he's the most likely vector. His lifestyle from what I know also adds to the probability as he's a womanizer.
Now my friend is devastated. Not only does he have to deal with this kind of disease at his relatively young age, he also has to confront the issue of his wife's infidelity. He who was always gentle and rarely raised his voice has had frequent screaming arguments with her. Its been a textbook case of depression as He's beginning to turn to drink as well. I can only say that its fortunate in a sad way that they haven't had children yet. We've been trying to cheer him up, but what can you honestly say to comfort a man in his situation?
Just a warning to you Samsters. Always be aware and do right by your spouse so she don't stray. Don't happy, happy cheong every night with a syt, ignore your wife and live to regret it. Infact go right out and buy a bouquet of flowers or some chocolates out of the blue for her, girls like unexpected gifts and will be touched by your thoughtfulness. Remember if you can be unfaithful, so can your partner. My friend didn't cheong, but he was too focused on his career and in truth was rarely at home as his job required frequent travel. But so unlucky that he ignored the temptations of the road and yet got struck down at home.
chickenzip
09-06-2006, 10:22 AM
The gains in life come slowly and the losses come on suddenly.
You work for years to get your life the way you want it and buy the big house and the time share on Antigua and one afternoon you’re run down by a garbage truck and lie in the intersection, dazed, bloodied, your leg unnaturally bent, and suddenly life becomes terribly challenging for six months.
Garrison Keillor,
Homegrown Democrat 2004
big dick
09-06-2006, 10:25 AM
My friend didn't cheong, but he was too focused on his career and in truth was rarely at home as his job required frequent travel. But so unlucky that he ignored the temptations of the road and yet got struck down at home.
So the moral of this long posting is to tell us not to cheong???
from what i read,
if i never cheong, my wife will cheong and i still will get STDS... :confused:
Or u tellin us to cheong.. play safe with all the safety precaution eg condom.. and try to be extra nice to our wives cos we have been unfaithful..:p
dt3305
09-06-2006, 10:29 AM
I think what the thread starter meant is that even though we cheong, we must still take care of our wife and spent quality time with her, so that our wife won't stray...hmmnn, that is so subjective...if she wants to stray, we won't know also...
big dick
09-06-2006, 10:35 AM
I think what the thread starter meant is that even though we cheong, we must still take care of our wife and spent quality time with her, so that our wife won't stray...hmmnn, that is so subjective...if she wants to stray, we won't know also...
that is precisely my point... woman nowsday dun stay at home anymore.. they have high paying job ( she earn more than me).. if my wife were willing to spend quality time with me, i wont even cheong in the first place... :(
chrysler
09-06-2006, 10:42 AM
I think what the thread starter meant is that even though we cheong, we must still take care of our wife and spent quality time with her, so that our wife won't stray...hmmnn, that is so subjective...if she wants to stray, we won't know also...
Thanks Dt3305, you summarised what I meant to say perfectly. I'm not so stupid to tell Samster's not to cheong lah. Cheonging is natural part of the male pyschology and as long as women need money and guys need sex it will continue. But just don't put so much priority on cheonging to the extent that you ignore your life partner.
Aiyah, at least that is what a 20 something year old who hasn't married yet thinks lah. :o Ignore if you want, just sharing what I've learnt from this unfortunate turn of events.
dna_gene
09-06-2006, 03:43 PM
Aiyah, at least that is what a 20 something year old who hasn't married yet thinks lah. :o Ignore if you want, just sharing what I've learnt from this unfortunate turn of events.
I'm sorry for your friend, his is really a genuine sorrowful incident. I hope the HIV do not blossom too early with the mercy of God, knowing that he's not the one at fault.
yanki1
09-06-2006, 04:31 PM
The gains in life come slowly and the losses come on suddenly.
You work for years to get your life the way you want it and buy the big house and the time share on Antigua and one afternoon you’re run down by a garbage truck and lie in the intersection, dazed, bloodied, your leg unnaturally bent, and suddenly life becomes terribly challenging for six months.
Garrison Keillor,
Homegrown Democrat 2004
hmm i like this one, u nev know when u are going to get yourself killed. u can be sitting at the busstop waiting for a bus, then the car run into the bus stop killing u. haiz lift is short, play hard, but play safe at the same time:cool:
Frankiestine
09-06-2006, 05:21 PM
But just don't put so much priority on cheonging to the extent that you ignore your life partner.
wah pianz lidat my case how..it is becos my life partner ignore me that why i cheong..:D
xxquietquiet
09-06-2006, 05:26 PM
If only they know our pain too..... wahhhhhh....
Until then, need to cheong still must cheong lah...
But be a bit more sensitive to partner...
Bo bian women and men just not made the same way....:p
weiger
09-06-2006, 05:35 PM
If you're insured with Major Illnesses, insurance pay if you contract HIV thru blood transfusion via needle. But if contract HIV from wife how?
sumsingkia
09-06-2006, 05:36 PM
so who says its tough to be a woman in our time.....we, men are living a tougher life leh.......need to pay FD and still drawing from ATM......
tat mean...we need to keep our wives well-fed in sex, so that they will not go outside to find other hot dogs to eat, in case they are hungry....
at the same time, we men (in fact, how many of us honestly can keep 2 onli 1woman in our life) still want to look for other holes to screw.....
haizzz.....i can onli say...SPERM NOT ENOUGH!!!!
SharkMan
09-06-2006, 06:58 PM
My friend of more than ten years have just had his life devastated. He went down for a checkup with his GP after feeling off for a long time and the blood test turned up HIV positive. After doing a check on the wife, apparently in a reverse case from the usual, his spouse infected him rather than the other way round....
Hiazz... really sad to hear things like this. :(
Ok today go buy flowers!
songxxx1965
09-06-2006, 09:53 PM
Moral of the story...
1) Bring your wife for Checkup every 3mths or when u feel like it..
2) Never go raw with your wife unless she's negative.
;)
Frankiestine
10-06-2006, 10:35 AM
Moral of the story...
1) Bring your wife for Checkup every 3mths or when u feel like it..
2) Never go raw with your wife unless she's negative.
;)
How r u going to explain to her why you bring her for STD and HIV checkup? In the end she might even think that you are the one who kena something that why need to clear her of it...
chrysler
10-06-2006, 01:31 PM
How r u going to explain to her why you bring her for STD and HIV checkup? In the end she might even think that you are the one who kena something that why need to clear her of it...
Yeah loh, only way to minimize chance of affair outside is to treat her nice nice loh. Cheong is cheonging, of course bros will be tempted, but in the end must remember we sign on for life with her loh.
I'm not saying the girl is not at fault here. In fact, I think that she's a complete bitch, but u must remember, what's good for the gander is good for the goose.
Must also select very carefully when you decide the big leap, especially in determining whether you've got chemistry or not. My friends are marrying left and right now since they're at that age, but quite frankly I feel that a few are rushing into it, fueled by the passion of the moment. Passion is one thing, but long term relationship is built on common understanding and mutual compromise, of which I don't see much in some of the couples.
I won't talk too much about myself, but I will think very carefully, not just with my heart but with my mind when I finally decide to settle down.
Sexatronic
10-06-2006, 05:31 PM
well said!!
tho' we men like cheonging, by nature of our sex, but at the end of the day, i go back to my wife, treat her well as she's my pillar of surpport.
thks for the reminder.
daryl76
10-06-2006, 08:21 PM
guess tats the difference of been married and not? usually some men(some only) will really turn good after marriage... focusin only on career and family, but den again, the society now is really turning... read in the papers few days back, some women who are successful career women will treat sex as part of their single and clubbing lives... :eek:
tanfromntu
10-06-2006, 09:20 PM
Talked to friends about this problem.. Women nowadays are so scary... I insist locking my wife from unnecessarily outside contact but my friends all insisted that I should not do it.. They say women should have demorcacy and freedom.. But see what freedom bring about...
chrysler
10-06-2006, 10:19 PM
Talked to friends about this problem.. Women nowadays are so scary... I insist locking my wife from unnecessarily outside contact but my friends all insisted that I should not do it.. They say women should have demorcacy and freedom.. But see what freedom bring about...
No need to go so extreme lah. Treat them right, usually they treat you back right. By the way tanfromntu, same number of rep points, same number of power and even quite close the number of posts... coincidence siah.
The_Unrepentant
11-06-2006, 03:47 PM
Talked to friends about this problem.. Women nowadays are so scary... I insist locking my wife from unnecessarily outside contact but my friends all insisted that I should not do it.. They say women should have demorcacy and freedom.. But see what freedom bring about...
Because ur wife is already very safe frm ''outside contacts'' even if u don lock her :D
crazyops
12-06-2006, 09:53 AM
Haiz! What the hell has happen to the girls these days?
My friend is actually having the same problem now. (Not the part on contracting the disease though).
His wife is about 9 years his junior and they have a young kid. His wife has been nagging about him not upgrading and not changing his job to one that is office hour (he works on shift).
But she had failed to realised that she herself is also on shift and that she did not even complete her secondary education.
Anyway, she has not been home for almost 2 months. Only occasionally dropping home to take a fresh set of clothes and dumped the dirty clothes!
My firend suspected that she is having an affair and confronted her. She of course deny everything. Engaged a PI but come back with nothing. He is financially strain to engage another one.
So, one evening, a group of us decided to help our friend out by trailing her. And you were right! All of us saw her behaving intimately with another guy. Guess what? This guy was ever introduced to my friend by his wife before!
Feel like just going forward to bash the guy up! And that's not all. The girl had even gone on a shopping spree with the supplementary credit card leaving my friend to face the debt!
Anyway, my friend is gonna proceed the divorce proceeding and that bitch had the cheek to ask to alimony from him every month!
My friend is afraid that if he get tough on her, he may lose the custody of the child. His condition to her is she let him have the child, transfer the name of the house to the child (of course he will pay her back whatever portion she has contributed) and not to pay any alimony. The bitch is agreeable to the first 2 points but not the 3rd one.
My friend is confused and we are helpless.
Sad case.
Castrol
12-06-2006, 10:19 AM
Anyway, she has not been home for almost 2 months. Only occasionally dropping home to take a fresh set of clothes and dumped the dirty clothes!
.
if 2 months dont go home, 99% can confirm she got kai kar lo outside. its sad la, this kind of situation can really break a man apart. :(
After reading 2 pages of comments, I believe its all depends on your wife liao. If she 1 2 go outside curi-makan and kena HIV like the thread starter's friend, the man also lan lan .... treat it as he very suay lor. haizzzz ...
His wife is about 9 years his junior and they have a young kid. His wife has been nagging about him not upgrading and not changing his job to one that is office hour (he works on shift).
But she had failed to realised that she herself is also on shift and that she did not even complete her secondary education.
This type of woman got mouth to say other people no mouth to say herself ... whoever 'chua' her also suay ... break also good.
jng1103
12-06-2006, 12:56 PM
But she had failed to realised that she herself is also on shift and that she did not even complete her secondary education.
This is the main problem here. Why marry someone who doesnt even have a diploma? :rolleyes: Dig his own graverard, dude...
Frankiestine
12-06-2006, 01:07 PM
This is the main problem here. Why marry someone who doesnt even have a diploma? :rolleyes: Dig his own graverard, dude...
But bro marry a woman who has a better education level
"SHE DIG YOUR GRAVE'..:D
jng1103
12-06-2006, 02:29 PM
But bro marry a woman who has a better education level
"SHE DIG YOUR GRAVE'..:D
Couldnt agree more though I know my comments will be backfired. :rolleyes:
This is the main problem here. Why marry someone who doesnt even have a diploma? :rolleyes: Dig his own graverard, dude...
I think the more important thing is the personal charactor of the wife; have or dont have a diploma is not the major issue.
Jinbo, not backfire, just express some views.
crazyops
12-06-2006, 02:58 PM
I guess it all boils down to the character and personality of the woman.
They have ever broke up during courtship days and the woman kinda wanted to patch back by getting one of us to help. (We actually know the both of them.)
Then this kind of things happen. We all felt bad but life goes on!
The only victim is the innocent child. Now we are hoping to find a solution to help my friend gain the custody.
A suggestion is to confront them at their house. (the woman has returned to stay with her parents after my friend threaten to create a scene at the guy's house as she was seen staying there!) Anyway, the girls parents also fucked up. How can they allow their daughter to bring another man into the house knowing that she is married with a child.
Worse! The woman will occasionally bring the child out or back to the parents home. And this is always done together with the guy.
Thus, my friend is contemplating to confront them (show hand) when the woman, parents and the guy is all at home. At the same time, secretly video the whole confrontation.
The_Unrepentant
12-06-2006, 03:00 PM
My friend is afraid that if he get tough on her, he may lose the custody of the child. His condition to her is she let him have the child, transfer the name of the house to the child (of course he will pay her back whatever portion she has contributed) and not to pay any alimony. The bitch is agreeable to the first 2 points but not the 3rd one.
My friend is confused and we are helpless.
Sad case.
should engaged another PI to get evidence of her eating outside then no need pay alimony liao.:D
crazyops
12-06-2006, 03:06 PM
It's like once bitten, twice shy!
There could be a possibility that the PI comes back with nothing. Then pay for nothing.
Anyway, it's not cheap. Ranges from 2 to 5 k for a 3 day job.
Don't think my friend can and will pay again.
He is saving for the lawyer and the pile of debts not incurred by him. (Just know that there are 2 supplementary cards! one for the woman and one for the woman's mother!)
A suggestion is to confront them at their house. (the woman has returned to stay with her parents after my friend threaten to create a scene at the guy's house as she was seen staying there!) Anyway, the girls parents also fucked up. How can they allow their daughter to bring another man into the house knowing that she is married with a child.
Never mind lor, we just hope next time maybe (maybe only hor) the girl's mother also go and 'kao-sua' the guy (brought in by their daugther - the girl) .. like that got show to watch.
Like Mother like daugther .... :mad:
JAXXX
12-06-2006, 03:46 PM
should engaged another PI to get evidence of her eating outside then no need pay alimony liao.:D
From what i heard if u have evidence of ur wife's infidelity, she will have to pay for the divorce proceedings cost and PI cost. Alimony, child custody and division of assets is another issue altogether and her infidelity has no bearings on the outcome of how much alimony and assets she gets.
sgrichard
13-06-2006, 02:07 PM
This is a reminder to those regluar cheongster... alway use condom..don be a comando... Have nice day ..all Bros
gilagila100
13-06-2006, 02:39 PM
Actually, I personally seen and heard a lot more such similar situations ... the no. of bad or failed marriages have far outnumbered the successful and happy ones ... maybe even on a 10 to 1 ratio ...
Anyway, this is my own personal view lah ... it seems tat nowadays alot of ppl (both males n females) grow up in a troubled environment (single parent families, abusive parents, etc etc.) that when they themselves get married, they tend to f**k up their marriages as well (sometimes they dun even realize it) ...
So even if u r a normal guy tat grew up in a normal family and is willing to make tonnes of changes to make the marriage work ... u still have a high chance of hitching a partner tat came from such a background and messed up ur life real bad ...
I had been in a similar situation b4 but luckily not married only co-habit nia but still enuff to make living hell out of my life .. Anyway, if possible, no nd to get married lahh ... y create so much chances for probs in ur life ... ??
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