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sinner1234
06-02-2012, 01:59 PM
Monday blues and decide to start this thread, hoping to get some form of “enlightenment”.

The nature of this topic has been discussed a few times (I do read them) but I will like to talk about my own predicament.

Any advise / criticism / comment is welcomed.

We are in our early thirties.(Childless).
Dated for less than two years and ROM.
Married for about 3.5yrs.

Sexual Part:
Low (very) sexual activity (less than 20times after 3.5 years :s).
I’m one with (I deem) high sex drive whereas she is the opp, extreme end.

Tried foreplay but she is not keen.
While doing the act, she will say her leg having cramp or want to pee (:s).
I tried to be patient and try all ways, but seeing her so disinterested, the desire just dies off. :S

Now, I think the purpose of having sex is to have a baby, that’s it.

I have a hmmmm, sort of FB. It’s a little bit on the commercial side though as gifts are involved. (not everytime though).
I hope I can have one with totally non-commercial aspect (tht’s not the gist of this thread yah ;p).

Non-Sexual Part:
I am an outgoing person whereas she is more of an introvert. Our characters are akin to the North pole and South pole. Will never meet. She likes shopping whereas I prefer eating or trying all kinds of things. I am more of an outdoor person.

She is squeaky clean type. Everything in the house needs to be very tidy and properly arranged. Well, I’m the opp. I am not a very particular person.
More of those “chin chye” type.

Sometimes, I feel why make things so unhappy, why are we still together if we cannot nurture and grow our relationship?
I feel, life is short. one should always try to be happy. (I’m a very positive person).
If being with me makes you so unhappy, i am willing to let you go.

But, I remember my wedding vows (hmmm, on certain aspects, I have failed though) that I will be there for her forever. I have promised that I will walk with her together for the rest of our lives. If I leave her on my own accord, she will definitely have depression and have devastating effects.

So, I am down now but not out.  Just that on this boring Monday, the sinner seeks “enlightenment” from the “almighty”. Any takers?

Thanks in advance for any reply (if there is any), be it crappy (sometimes the replies brings out the laughter) / forthrightly harsh / “refreshing”.

I await with great anticipation.

Good day to all.

kukugun
06-02-2012, 02:28 PM
3.5 yrs less than 20 times? Omg bro something must b wrong somewhere. Wat abt b4 marriage?

FatSpider
06-02-2012, 02:30 PM
its your marriage and nobody else can help u being outside parties,
best to sit down and talk it over

delayer
06-02-2012, 02:48 PM
before marriage.. were there any sex involved?

RealEstateGuy
06-02-2012, 02:49 PM
Braddah, since you have no children it gives you some more leeway. Bradddah, the relationship is sexless but is it loveless? Braddah, are you sould mates? Braddah, what I mean is can read the others mind almost and finish each others sentences. Braddah lots of laughter and can't wait to see each other end of day after work? Braddah, if missing more than sex would consider divorce. Braddah, how many years you going to go through without sex where it is considered dirty braddah?

sinner1234
06-02-2012, 03:05 PM
delayer Re: before marriage.. were there any sex involved?


Hi Bro delayer, Nope. Clean. __________________________________________________ _____________

Hi Bro RealEstateGuy,

Quote:

RealEstateGuy Re: Braddah, since you have no children it gives you some more leeway.

Bradddah, the relationship is sexless but is it loveless?
Define love in your own words? If i dnt love her, i will not be asking wht's wrong with me. :)

Braddah, are you sould mates?
Nope, we are poles apart.
Braddah, what I mean is can read the others mind almost and finish each others sentences.

Braddah lots of laughter and can't wait to see each other end of day after work?
Well, have la but not always, if not can be stranger liao lor,


Braddah, if missing more than sex would consider divorce.
Hmmm, catch no ball on this--- Well, divorce on my part is M.I. part 5. ;p. I mentioned i remembered my wedding vows and i will keep to tht :)

Braddah, how many years you going to go through without sex where it is considered dirty braddah?
also catch no ball---- well, get a FB if possible lor ;p. Ooops, btw, i forgot to mentioned, D.I.Y. lor... :S...... I do tht frequently.. high sex drive mah... lmao.... btw wht you mean "dirty"?

sundial
06-02-2012, 03:26 PM
You are not the only one.
Lots of men in this forum also face the same problem... lousy sex life and dream of a good FB coming to the rescue.

For sure there isn't going to be a FB dropping from the sky.
But you are lucky to have a FB. else just pay for forget. Less troublesome

But think of it positively, your wife is someone whom you will trust and cherish. Any fun outside remains outside.
If you keen on having kids you can try IVF etc......

TwinLighter
06-02-2012, 03:32 PM
Well bro is she able to provide you with the kind of spiritual and emotional support when you are down or troubled? Stick with you through tough times, letting you know you are never alone?

If yes and since you did state you still intend to adhere to your vows and walk with her through life, maybe you can just separate out your needs.

1) You keep a good wife who whom give you emotional support and take care of the family, she lives happily in the dark, what she doesn't know wouldn't hurt her.

2) You already got yourself a FB to take care of your physical needs.

So what else are you lacking now?

End of the day just remember that you still got a family and home to return to, the FB part stays outside.

Sure i know you also state your characters are poles apart, but well surely there are things you both can do together or agree on, its why you both can even go into marriage in the 1st place.

And besides wife and FB you also got friends, if there are things you wish to chat about that you think your wife or FB won't bother to listen to, then turn to your friends. Or you can also just talk to me haha.

Have a nice day dude.

sinner1234
06-02-2012, 03:37 PM
You are not the only one.
Lots of men in this forum also face the same problem... lousy sex life and dream of a good FB coming to the rescue.

For sure there isn't going to be a FB dropping from the sky.
But you are lucky to have a FB. else just pay for forget. Less troublesome

But think of it positively, your wife is someone whom you will trust and cherish. Any fun outside remains outside.
If you keen on having kids you can try IVF etc......


Dear Bro sundial,

Yah, read a few threads from several bros here.
A FB is not an antidote for me.
As i also have the non-sexual element, thus a FB is merely a "anaesthetic" to the sexual part. And i dnt actually like with monetary returns. It makes me feel worse. True, pay and fxxxx off.... but maybe i am immature in this part, dnt like " commercial paid" sex.

Yup, very true, my wife is someone i can trust and cherish.... jsut that the cherish part comes with "perish" bcos of of diff personalities, probs arise.

Well, do hope to have a kid, well... tht will bring about another kind of prob, i forsee... but i believe everyone should have children. tht's part of life.
IVF is not considered as i prefer let nature takes its course (immature aspect again).

Thanks for your reply.

Good day to ya :)

rauldon
06-02-2012, 03:46 PM
Kind of smiler position ..just keep it simple...love your wife u have to scarfice

alot...if don't move on.....u 2 are adults so u have to face problem maybe u can

go for counseling with her to open her up for different view.....just don't get caught ;0)

sinner1234
06-02-2012, 03:51 PM
Well bro is she able to provide you with the kind of spiritual and emotional support when you are down or troubled? Stick with you through tough times, letting you know you are never alone?

Hmm... not exactly... she is not those expressive kind. But, i having some big shitty problems now and she is sticking with me. I am a very weird person. I feel bad that i cannot give her happinesss for this short period of time. So i am not actually happy tht she sticks with me when i am in trouble now. :S


If yes and since you did state you still intend to adhere to your vows and walk with her through life, maybe you can just separate out your needs.

1) You keep a good wife who whom give you emotional support and take care of the family, she lives happily in the dark, what she doesn't know wouldn't hurt her.

2) You already got yourself a FB to take care of your physical needs.

So what else are you lacking now?

[COLOR="blue"]Hmm, i feel i lack alot of things, ;p.
"Humans" are never satisfied. "Fat" wana be thin. "thin" wana be fat. "short" wana be tall.. "tall" wana be short.. "big" wana be small.. "small" wana be big.. the bloody list goes one.. ;p
The FB thingy is not always lah.... it only happened recently and it's like maybe one month once... hahah.
My wife cannot give me emotional support. I feel she makes my emotional well being "worse" as our characters differs.
What i had provided is jus a summary, i skip the details as i dnt want to be like one sided--- bad mouthing my wife... she is good ...jsut tht..... not suitable for my character i guess... :S

End of the day just remember that you still got a family and home to return to, the FB part stays outside.
Yes Sir!!!

Sure i know you also state your characters are poles apart, but well surely there are things you both can do together or agree on, its why you both can even go into marriage in the 1st place.

Errr... sad to say the only thing we can do togther is...... sleep together.. i mean really doze off n sleep kind.... as we both like sleeping... lmao... dnt fall off yr chair yah..

And besides wife and FB you also got friends, if there are things you wish to chat about that you think your wife or FB won't bother to listen to, then turn to your friends. Or you can also just talk to me haha.

Talk to you? hahah.... number? ;p


Have a nice day dude.


Dear Bro Twinlighter, thanks for the comments.
Good day to ya too. :)

sean69
06-02-2012, 03:53 PM
TS,

if sex is not working, for the marriage to continue, communication must be there..

sex apart, if you can't even maintain close communication, i think there is no point maintaining the marriage... not trying to be a wet blanket here, but if there is no communication, sooner or later you will drift apart..

i think it would be better to have a clean break now as you are still childless..

please think thru carefully.. are you able to continue this way for the next 30-40 years?

sinner1234
06-02-2012, 04:01 PM
Kind of smiler position ..just keep it simple...love your wife u have to scarfice

alot...if don't move on.....u 2 are adults so u have to face problem maybe u can

go for counseling with her to open her up for different view.....just don't get caught ;0)


Dear Bro rauldon,

counselling has been considered. But not on the sexual part can be discussed as my wife wants "face"..... even "getting pills for enhancing pregnancy" from the doc she dnt dare.. she ask me to ask the doc when she not around.. wht say you?


I like your phrase--- "just keep it simple...love your wife u have to sacrifice alot".

I made a song dedication to 93.30 for our 1st yr anniversary. The song title was "Love is simple" (ai hen jian dan).

But as one matures, things are never tht "simple".

hmm..... love is simple... love is simple... love is simple.... "hypnotise" ;p


Thanks for your comment.

Good day to ya. :)

CherryPickle
06-02-2012, 04:07 PM
Sounds like you may have the 7 year itch .

sinner1234
06-02-2012, 04:12 PM
TS,

if sex is not working, for the marriage to continue, communication must be there..

sex apart, if you can't even maintain close communication, i think there is no point maintaining the marriage... not trying to be a wet blanket here, but if there is no communication, sooner or later you will drift apart..

i think it would be better to have a clean break now as you are still childless..

please think thru carefully.. are you able to continue this way for the next 30-40 years?


Dear Bro sean69, yup.. to a certain extent its "make or break". :) actually i'm in a catch 22 situation (Jing tui liang nan), communicate ma cause more conflict bcos of diff characters..... dnt communicate lagi worse..... like you say.... how to continue for next 30-40yyrs... somemore if we live till 100yrs old? tht's anther freaking 70yrs... = 25,550 days... :S


But like i said... clean break is M.I. 5 (hell protocol)..... based on elimination method..... only thing is to exhance the communuication skills..... welll.. we have to learn "dancing" then.... its takes two to tango ;p.


Thanks for your comments. :)

juz_mic
06-02-2012, 04:14 PM
Hi bro,

Am actually having quite similar problem with you (early 30s, married 4 yrs, diff is I have 2 kids).

My though is that if your wife have stood by you through thick and thin and you know that any break-up will have detrimental effect on her, then you should not do it. We always have the seige mentality of 分手是为你好 or 给你最后的疼爱是手放开, which to me is absolute crap. Many a time, this is just a self-fufilling prophecy to abstain ourself from blame.

It takes 2 hands to clap. The lack of sexual activities may be down to ourself. Wife may think we have love her lesser after marriage as we may not be showing the same sort of affection like before marriage. We may be getting predictable and boring in bed. We may be not sensitive enough like asking for it during stressful working day or during their menses. Our level of personal cleaniness might also be what is turning our partner off. A lot of time, we expect our partner to be sucking us off without thinking we are using the same tool for relieving ourself. The bateria may cause certain infection after intercourse and while not a major issue if we are disease free, it will cause itchiness to the vagina area. Not saying you are like this, just some consideration I thought may be useful for you to think about.

I have to admit that like you, I go for the occasion flings, ONS, KTV and what shit. We did this all behind our wife's back. Shameful as this may be, I always tell myself, at the very least I do not bring any emotional baggage home. However, on a more sensible day, you start to think that what we did is still wrong. If our wife have done the same thing behind us, what would be our reaction be?

Ultimately, I felt there must be a defining reason that make you exchange the vow you did a few years ago. What you and I should do now is to rekindle that particular reason for the lady who really should deserve much better from us.

PS: Just a thought, not a criticism. Have a good day everyone!

RealEstateGuy
06-02-2012, 04:20 PM
Braddah, I am a strong advocate of keeping one's vows. Braddah, this means respecting all aspects of the institution of marraige ie no cheating staying married foreever. Braddah, its well documented if you read my other advice rendered on SBF. Braddah, my point and the point of one of the other Braddahs here is you have no children yet. Would it not be better to see that as a way to unwind the marraige for the benefit of you wife and yourself rather than cheating on her Braddah?

sinner1234
06-02-2012, 04:30 PM
Hi bro,

Am actually having quite similar problem with you (early 30s, married 4 yrs, diff is I have 2 kids).

Wonderful family. :). then yours is just the "sexual" aspect... i feel at least you have your kids to keep you occupied so maybe not tht bad.... but it could be dble edged sword. I will know when i become a father ;p.

My though is that if your wife have stood by you through thick and thin and you know that any break-up will have detrimental effect on her, then you should not do it. We always have the seige mentality of 分手是为你好 or 给你最后的疼爱是手放开, which to me is absolute crap. Many a time, this is just a self-fufilling prophecy to abstain ourself from blame.

Hmm.... true to a certain extent.... So i definitely will not make the first move... i mean to separate la... i am not a deserter ;p


It takes 2 hands to clap. The lack of sexual activities may be down to ourself. Wife may think we have love her lesser after marriage as we may not be showing the same sort of affection like before marriage. We may be getting predictable and boring in bed. We may be not sensitive enough like asking for it during stressful working day or during their menses. Our level of personal cleaniness might also be what is turning our partner off. A lot of time, we expect our partner to be sucking us off without thinking we are using the same tool for relieving ourself. The bateria may cause certain infection after intercourse and while not a major issue if we are disease free, it will cause itchiness to the vagina area. Not saying you are like this, just some consideration I thought may be useful for you to think about.

hmmm.... will take into conisderation.. but hor... actually i have done wht i can liao... really try means n ways.... but tht is jsut my version la...... i may be protruding myself as "victim" and cry foul.... hahah.... will explore more ways.... dig n dig.. i mean... for ways... ;p

I have to admit that like you, I go for the occasion flings, ONS, KTV and what shit. We did this all behind our wife's back. Shameful as this may be, I always tell myself, at the very least I do not bring any emotional baggage home. However, on a more sensible day, you start to think that what we did is still wrong. If our wife have done the same thing behind us, what would be our reaction be?

Hard call..... this is very subjective.... split into two camps... the "yang men nu jiang" women camp.. will use yr last part as prosecuting phrase.... guys will use our "reasons" as accquiting reasons.... i'm not a MVP though..... but i go with the phrase..... where is the smoke if there is no fire???..........


Ultimately, I felt there must be a defining reason that make you exchange the vow you did a few years ago. What you and I should do now is to rekindle that particular reason for the lady who really should deserve much better from us.

True.... thanks for the criticism (just joking) ;p.... oopss i mean advice....


PS: Just a thought, not a criticism. Have a good day everyone!


Dear Bro ju_mirc, thanks for your comments.
Good day to ya.

sinner1234
06-02-2012, 04:39 PM
Braddah, I am a strong advocate of keeping one's vows. Braddah, this means respecting all aspects of the institution of marraige ie no cheating staying married foreever. Braddah, its well documented if you read my other advice rendered on SBF. Braddah, my point and the point of one of the other Braddahs here is you have no children yet. Would it not be better to see that as a way to unwind the marraige for the benefit of you wife and yourself rather than cheating on her Braddah?


Dear Bro REG (i'll call you tht from now on..... you r tooooooo loongggg for me ;p)


Oh ok, got yr pt.

Tht is not call unwinding to me... it's "breaking".... n one should not the consequences of "breaking"..............

Wait ah.... i forsee one will say i am already "breaking" my vow liao.... yes..... i admit i have failed in some ways.... but to "unwind" in your own words... is to "break" totally without recourse...... tht aftermath.... for my situtation is...... i shudder to tink...........

it has come to almost "breaking" point in some sense........ things may "unwind"........... hmmm.... well............ i also dnt know how to put it out in words..... let's wait n see more anymore comments.......

i hope someone from the lady camp.. will offer some sort of comments.... provide me a different area of ponder thought......


:)

rh8611
06-02-2012, 04:39 PM
Braddah, since you have no children it gives you some more leeway. Bradddah, the relationship is sexless but is it loveless? Braddah, are you sould mates? Braddah, what I mean is can read the others mind almost and finish each others sentences. Braddah lots of laughter and can't wait to see each other end of day after work? Braddah, if missing more than sex would consider divorce. Braddah, how many years you going to go through without sex where it is considered dirty braddah?

Braddah, u are very irritating, Braddah u wanna repeat how many time of Braddah.? Braddah, how many times u irritates others, Braddah, u finished eating? Finished screwing your high class maid?
Braddah, I hope u are well. Good luck Braddah. Thanks Braddah.

sinner1234
06-02-2012, 04:46 PM
Braddah, u are very irritating, Braddah u wanna repeat how many time of Braddah.? Braddah, how many times u irritates others, Braddah, u finished eating? Finished screwing your high class maid?
Braddah, I hope u are well. Good luck Braddah. Thanks Braddah.


Dear Bro rh8611.........Ohhh.... hold your horses............ well.... diff ppl hv diff way of writing...... also.... diff ppl hv diff way of reading.........

Cool........ peace ok.... dnt let my "problematic" thread... evoke another set of problems.........

I dedicate MJ's song "Heal the world" to ya.........

Peace .. peace peace.........

if wana scold.. scold me.... bcos i casue Bro REG to reply..... and tht's his style of writing...


Ps: on a separate note... Bro REG.. you may want to consider tweaking abit of your writing style.......... It will make viewing more enjoyable.


dnt' fight ah... i will cry one......... :)

unsung80
06-02-2012, 04:58 PM
Simply put it this way.

Seems like you guys are not meant for each other as the character is totally different. My character is just like you, we are a more adventurous habitat, yes life is short, just do it. But not into a marriage that requires commitment. I guess at that point of time you are very sure she is the one in your life. Or you feel is time for marriage and both jumped into the wagon.

Am not married, if my words doesn't make sense pls take it as a pinch of salt. Sometimes i think simple, not too complicated till fried the brain.

sinner1234
06-02-2012, 05:24 PM
Simply put it this way.

Seems like you guys are not meant for each other as the character is totally different. My character is just like you, we are a more adventurous habitat, yes life is short, just do it. But not into a marriage that requires commitment. I guess at that point of time you are very sure she is the one in your life. Or you feel is time for marriage and both jumped into the wagon.

Am not married, if my words doesn't make sense pls take it as a pinch of salt. Sometimes i think simple, not too complicated till fried the brain.

Dear Bro unsung80,

Hmmm 80? we maybe same age then ;p.......... anyway yah...... both jump into "pirate" ship......... we are now bound together as captain and first mate of the ship..........

not meant to be?...... not exactly true... if not meant to be...... y do we meet in the first place.... we were ex-colleagues.... i have left the company... while she is still there........... much have to blamed on me..... did not understand each other thoroughly.............


yup..... simple is good....... can live longer...;p
thanks for the slight comment......... :)

unsung80
06-02-2012, 05:31 PM
Dear Bro unsung80,

Hmmm 80? we maybe same age then ;p.......... anyway yah...... both jump into "pirate" ship......... we are now bound together as captain and first mate of the ship..........

not meant to be?...... not exactly true... if not meant to be...... y do we meet in the first place.... we were ex-colleagues.... i have left the company... while she is still there........... much have to blamed on me..... did not understand each other thoroughly.............


yup..... simple is good....... can live longer...;p
thanks for the slight comment......... :)

Life is short, i sincerely wish you happy in life.

sinner1234
06-02-2012, 05:34 PM
Life is short, i sincerely wish you happy in life.


Dear Bro unsung80,

True. Live it to the fullest. I wish you great health and happy in life too. :)

outside
06-02-2012, 05:42 PM
Hi Bro,

Maybe you should go to Hougang, or are you staying around Hougang.

sinner1234
06-02-2012, 05:46 PM
3.5 yrs less than 20 times? Omg bro something must b wrong somewhere. Wat abt b4 marriage?


Hi bro kukugun,

Hmm.... wht to say.... my wife did get pregnant once.... but had a miscarriae in very early stage..... we didnt even know she was pregnant..........

b4 marriage? --- 1.5yrs = 0times.... get the cue? ;p

sinner1234
06-02-2012, 05:47 PM
Hi Bro,

Maybe you should go to Hougang, or are you staying around Hougang.


Hi Bro outside,

Y? pray pray?... i live in woodlands.... but distance not a factor la.... s'pore not very big...

sinner1234
06-02-2012, 05:50 PM
its your marriage and nobody else can help u being outside parties,
best to sit down and talk it over


Hi bro fatspider,

Yup, but help is a vey "big" word......... advice can be a form of help too.

We tried sitting / standing / squatting liao........ will try the cycle again.
thanks.

:)

wally888
06-02-2012, 05:52 PM
Sometimes religion do help. Do ya 2 same religion?

zunbo
06-02-2012, 05:54 PM
Bro, maybe you guys can have a good talk on future direction. Hope things work out

sinner1234
06-02-2012, 05:55 PM
Sometimes religion do help. Do ya 2 same religion?

Hi bro wally888,

Yes.... same "religion"..... we are free thinkers....

I was a christian ........ decide to be free thinker.......... i believe in god... but i do not think only being a christian is entitled to god. (my weird thinking at work again). ;p

sinner1234
06-02-2012, 05:58 PM
Bro, maybe you guys can have a good talk on future direction. Hope things work out


Dear bro zunbo,

Zunbo? i use yr ways yah... kidding yah ;p......... talk is a must.... how to / what to / when to.. etc........... is the crux...

thanks for the well wish.

sinner1234
06-02-2012, 06:06 PM
Sounds like you may have the 7 year itch .


Dear bro cherrypickle,

hmmm..... its a 7years spell.... my gongfu level not there yet i now only at level 3.5......
besides... i dnt quite believe this kind of "myth" saying.....


Let's tok abt this another 3.5yrs later yah/....

do remember to drop me a PM 3.5yrs after todae if i forget ;p

music2012
06-02-2012, 07:11 PM
No wonder people always say opposites attracts~ pity your case bro~ fight for your happiness fighting!

hickeybites
06-02-2012, 07:13 PM
Understand about Monday blues.. happens to the best of us. Not feeling blue-sy but in a rather languorous mood myself.

The situation which you've highlighted seems to be a rather common occurrence & something which I've also witnessed in a few male friends.
I guess I'm rather curious about your "predicament".

- Regarding the non-sexual aspect, u and ur wife seem to be polar opposites not just in lifestyle but in mindset as well.
Did that not ring any alarm bells before ROM? Or did one of you change over the course of time?

- Aside from your change from Christianity to a free-thinker, were there any other changes? Was your wife a Christian and does she remain so till today?

- Is your wife someone who is rather dependent on you... maybe even needy? Are you possibly feeling the pressures of her being reliant on you?

I'm one who believes that a union requires connection & communication, meeting of minds, humour & laughter, a healthy dose of sexual attraction, and mutual respect == but this is my own personal view :). When you married your wife, I'm sure that there had to be factors that moved you to commit & take your marriage vows (I'm hoping it's not cos of an HDB flat :()

... And sometimes I do think that we humans do not exactly know what we want. When we have someone/something, we may not cherish or appreciate them.. Only when we lose that person/thing, then we realize their value. I'm not sure if you & your wife has really communicated about your "blues"... perhaps she has some blues of her own which you know not of either?
Personally I'ld rather my partner choose to with me wholeheartedly & not out of obligation or responsibility... As much as we know "ball & chain" can be an affectionate term (or not), I don't think most or any women would like to be viewed as such :rolleyes::(

Just my 2c & thoughts... hope things work out for you...

wally888
06-02-2012, 07:22 PM
Hi bro wally888,

Yes.... same "religion"..... we are free thinkers....

I was a christian ........ decide to be free thinker.......... i believe in god... but i do not think only being a christian is entitled to god. (my weird thinking at work again). ;p

Ya true but maybe both of u believe in god would be good at least got more common topic to commune.....

bellagerger
06-02-2012, 07:41 PM
Hi Sinner,

Hmmmm maybe your wife are shy type and need you to make the first move? Try to plan a romantic holiday with her to spark up ur "sex"life?

communication is also important for married couples.. talk to her share your concerns..

hope my suggestions help...

best wishes....

Monday blues and decide to start this thread, hoping to get some form of “enlightenment”.

The nature of this topic has been discussed a few times (I do read them) but I will like to talk about my own predicament.

Any advise / criticism / comment is welcomed.

We are in our early thirties.(Childless).
Dated for less than two years and ROM.
Married for about 3.5yrs.

Sexual Part:
Low (very) sexual activity (less than 20times after 3.5 years :s).
I’m one with (I deem) high sex drive whereas she is the opp, extreme end.

Tried foreplay but she is not keen.
While doing the act, she will say her leg having cramp or want to pee (:s).
I tried to be patient and try all ways, but seeing her so disinterested, the desire just dies off. :S

Now, I think the purpose of having sex is to have a baby, that’s it.

I have a hmmmm, sort of FB. It’s a little bit on the commercial side though as gifts are involved. (not everytime though).
I hope I can have one with totally non-commercial aspect (tht’s not the gist of this thread yah ;p).

Non-Sexual Part:
I am an outgoing person whereas she is more of an introvert. Our characters are akin to the North pole and South pole. Will never meet. She likes shopping whereas I prefer eating or trying all kinds of things. I am more of an outdoor person.

She is squeaky clean type. Everything in the house needs to be very tidy and properly arranged. Well, I’m the opp. I am not a very particular person.
More of those “chin chye” type.

Sometimes, I feel why make things so unhappy, why are we still together if we cannot nurture and grow our relationship?
I feel, life is short. one should always try to be happy. (I’m a very positive person).
If being with me makes you so unhappy, i am willing to let you go.

But, I remember my wedding vows (hmmm, on certain aspects, I have failed though) that I will be there for her forever. I have promised that I will walk with her together for the rest of our lives. If I leave her on my own accord, she will definitely have depression and have devastating effects.

So, I am down now but not out.  Just that on this boring Monday, the sinner seeks “enlightenment” from the “almighty”. Any takers?

Thanks in advance for any reply (if there is any), be it crappy (sometimes the replies brings out the laughter) / forthrightly harsh / “refreshing”.

I await with great anticipation.

Good day to all.

cocobun
06-02-2012, 07:52 PM
click.........http://sg.news.yahoo.com/10-surprising-things-improve-sex-life-090000330.html

cocobun
06-02-2012, 07:56 PM
Hi Sinner,

Hmmmm maybe your wife are shy type and need you to make the first move? Try to plan a romantic holiday with her to spark up ur "sex"life?

communication is also important for married couples.. talk to her share your concerns..

hope my suggestions help...

best wishes....

and speaks about 'no luck with single guy'......hmmm, but you sounds pretty experience wol....hehe

LonePartner
06-02-2012, 07:59 PM
bro .. some women are really low sex drive. no sex does not mean no love, no committment.
if u feel u have you have to be committed yet there is no concern, no thoughts for her, ie no love .. then u have to consider if it is ONLY COMMITMENT that u are holding on to now.
frankly if u feel she is the woman (other than sex) of your life, then continue your life with her ..
actually u can try talk talk a little .. spark of the sexy talk in the afternoon .. then say we'll do it at night this way and that way .. well sometimes it gives her some thinking and "looking forward"

otherwise u can "sin" here and there but do not go to extremes to have mistress.
its fun to have a younger lady who "loves u amd u loves her" feeling ..
but marriage is sacred .. dont play play la .. 3.5 years .. not long .. not short either.
maybe a baby will spruce up both your lives .. (if u dont bother too much abot the sex part lor)

lke i said .. go and "sin" .. then go confess to "lau tian yea"
but as previous bro has said - "its your marriage"

bellagerger
06-02-2012, 08:06 PM
pretty experience??? dun think so... i think this will be a idea suggestions for most married couples. dun u think so?

and speaks about 'no luck with single guy'......hmmm, but you sounds pretty experience wol....hehe

pussinboots97
06-02-2012, 08:18 PM
Hope things get better 4 u.

mojobutt
06-02-2012, 10:27 PM
I think your wife must has a FB.

sinner1234
06-02-2012, 10:45 PM
Understand about Monday blues.. happens to the best of us. Not feeling blue-sy but in a rather languorous mood myself.

The situation which you've highlighted seems to be a rather common occurrence & something which I've also witnessed in a few male friends.
I guess I'm rather curious about your "predicament".

- Regarding the non-sexual aspect, u and ur wife seem to be polar opposites not just in lifestyle but in mindset as well.
Did that not ring any alarm bells before ROM? Or did one of you change over the course of time?

Having diff interests is ok. But its the living habits that is creating the prob.
There are a few telling signs before ROM, but i guess i tght married life for her will change her tghts as after all its another phase of life. Living with parents and now with husband only is a great diff. She is more of those pampered kind. 0 knowledge of household chores. She can wash the dishes though.

- Aside from your change from Christianity to a free-thinker, were there any other changes? Was your wife a Christian and does she remain so till today?

This christianity thingy was history, happened before i met her. Had been a free tinker for at least 10yrs plus already.

Wifey is free thinker all along.

- Is your wife someone who is rather dependent on you... maybe even needy? Are you possibly feeling the pressures of her being reliant on you?

She is quite dependant. eg:.. if we dine out at food court, i'll order for her. Till now she has never bought meals on her own when we eat out or eat together. She is like i said, quite an introvert. Hmm, well asked. i maybe feeling the pressure as i like things to be independent. But i feel i am ok just that, for meals, if she said dnt noe wht to eat... i'm like..... what can i do? totally helpless... stomach is not mine....

I'm one who believes that a union requires connection & communication, meeting of minds, humour & laughter, a healthy dose of sexual attraction, and mutual respect == but this is my own personal view :). When you married your wife, I'm sure that there had to be factors that moved you to commit & take your marriage vows (I'm hoping it's not cos of an HDB flat :()

I'm like maybe her first official boyfriend, i guess i couldnt bring myself to leave her at tht time. :S. worried she cannot take it. :S

... And sometimes I do think that we humans do not exactly know what we want.

Agree on this aspect. Actually, from my thread, you guys should know i am "lost" in some sense. I am not asking for answers as i myself cannot even root out the prob. The seem to be many areas but the main aspect is communication.

When we have someone/something, we may not cherish or appreciate them.. Only when we lose that person/thing, then we realize their value. I'm not sure if you & your wife has really communicated about your "blues"... perhaps she has some blues of her own which you know not of either?

Maybe, failed comms at work again.

Personally I'ld rather my partner choose to with me wholeheartedly & not out of obligation or responsibility... As much as we know "ball & chain" can be an affectionate term (or not), I don't think most or any women would like to be viewed as such :rolleyes::(

Just my 2c & thoughts... hope things work out for you...

Dear bro hickeybites, thanks for your opinion. It has "enlighten" me in a little way.

sinner1234
06-02-2012, 10:52 PM
Hi Sinner,

Hmmmm maybe your wife are shy type and need you to make the first move? Try to plan a romantic holiday with her to spark up ur "sex"life?

communication is also important for married couples.. talk to her share your concerns..

hope my suggestions help...

best wishes....


Hi sis bellagerger, Yup my wife is intro type. Well, being a man i have done more than enough of "first movements". ;p Romantic holiday.... hmmm.... guess we'll sleep through the nght ;p.... remembered our honeymoon..... 15days... europe.... never even do once.. :s... dnt fall off yr chair.......... abit of my fault also la... first few nghts was still rushing out my dissertation on my degree thingy....... then subsequent nghts.. tink we too tired bah cos whole day travelling here n there... it was pretty hectic... 8countries in 15 days... one of the days.. we had bf in one country... lunchie in another country.... dinner yet in anther country.... omg.... hahah

yah... will work on the comms... i was a signaller in my army days... :S

anyway thanks for your suggestion....... will plan for tht romantic trip when the time is rght.... :) thanks for the well wish.

nuclearkid
06-02-2012, 10:56 PM
Sexual part:

Your wife doesn't seem keen to meet you halfway. Her complaints midway through the session is such a buzz kill, you should try sticking it up her tight ass and make her squeal in order to shut her up. There seems a deliberate intention on her part to eradicate sex in the marriage totally. I suppose if you can live with celibacy, this issue is non-existent.

Non-sexual part:

The dichotomy of your relationship isn't necessarily fatal. While you may be polar opposites, this could merely be a passive conflict. Meaning, you see each other's differences as first and foremost a fundamental difference which is inherent between any two people and respect each other the way you are. Recognise that and things get easier but it appears that chances are, she is chomping your ass for being less than consistent with her OCD-like tendencies.

I don't know enough of the situation to dispense any suitable advice. What would go through my mind, if I am in your shoes, is whether there is an upside to the marriage? Is there something to look forward to? Do you think you can live with this until 'death parts you'? You both being in your early 30s, which means there is time to recover from a failed first marriage. The positive about this is that you'll probably know what to look out for at the second try.

With all due respect to the both of you, your wife seems egocentric and you appear to be subservient to her wishes. Run your wedding vows in your head once again...ask yourself if there is any solace somewhere down the road knowing you honoured your vows but happiness has been elusive?

Envisage a moment forward in time and imagine asking yourself this: If I could turn back time, would I have walked a different path?

I think your answer then should guide your actions now. All the best there.:D

sinner1234
06-02-2012, 11:03 PM
bro .. some women are really low sex drive. no sex does not mean no love, no committment.

Yup, my wife only takes chicken and only a certain typ of fish (not even ikan bilis). No other meat like mutton or beef.. so definitely low sex drive.

if u feel u have you have to be committed yet there is no concern, no thoughts for her, ie no love .. then u have to consider if it is ONLY COMMITMENT that u are holding on to now.
frankly if u feel she is the woman (other than sex) of your life, then continue your life with her ..

there is still love n committment.
i detest the frequent disagreements on little things.... even putting a toothbrush back to the holder can ignite the fire.. :s

actually u can try talk talk a little .. spark of the sexy talk in the afternoon .. then say we'll do it at night this way and that way .. well sometimes it gives her some thinking and "looking forward"

Gd suggestion....... done tht... it does works a little better.. tht's y have less than 20 times.. if not maybe less than 10times liao... lmao....

otherwise u can "sin" here and there but do not go to extremes to have mistress.
its fun to have a younger lady who "loves u amd u loves her" feeling ..
but marriage is sacred .. dont play play la .. 3.5 years .. not long .. not short either.

I'm not called sinner for nothing. thanks for the reminder.

maybe a baby will spruce up both your lives .. (if u dont bother too much abot the sex part lor)

hmm. yup hope to concieve this yr.

lke i said .. go and "sin" .. then go confess to "lau tian yea"
but as previous bro has said - "its your marriage"


Hmm.... tht's a deep meaning to me......... anyway... thanks for the advice.

sinner1234
06-02-2012, 11:06 PM
Hope things get better 4 u.


dear bro pussinboots97..... hmmm thanks... but hoping is not my style... i prefer to walk the talk..... but..... hoping for a brighter sky without the blues is good for the mind....

onegoal
06-02-2012, 11:15 PM
Hmm.... tht's a deep meaning to me......... anyway... thanks for the advice.

Bro Sinner, maybe u can consider adpotion instead?
If your wife become preggy, then u have 2 kids!
Life might be better...

ELTaz
06-02-2012, 11:20 PM
Bro, there is really nothing wrong with you. Even before our customary, I was already feeling the strain of the differences in character. She works in the stable Civil Service, while I'm in the volatile technology industry, sometimes no day no night. We got quarrels because of this.

I think having a kid is really necessary to hold down two people. You are adjusting to her and she is adjusting to you. While you are one married couple, you are now falling victim to your definition of differences. I myself, always wonder what that other woman would be like, would she be a better wife? But I always the advise given by my ceremony-in-chief: patience is needed, and the man must have a more patience.

Actually, I also have sexual problems. My wife very dry, that's one, but I don't try to let it affect me.

sinner1234
06-02-2012, 11:22 PM
Sexual part:

Your wife doesn't seem keen to meet you halfway. Her complaints midway through the session is such a buzz kill, you should try sticking it up her tight ass and make her squeal in order to shut her up. There seems a deliberate intention on her part to eradicate sex in the marriage totally. I suppose if you can live with celibacy, this issue is non-existent.

well said...... sometimes i do feel "sigh".... hahah but your suggested action will bring upon immediate celibacy with her. ;p

Non-sexual part:

The dichotomy of your relationship isn't necessarily fatal. While you may be polar opposites, this could merely be a passive conflict.

Agree. it's how to twist the polar extremes to polar attractions....

Meaning, you see each other's differences as first and foremost a fundamental difference which is inherent between any two people and respect each other the way you are. Recognise that and things get easier but it appears that chances are, she is chomping your ass for being less than consistent with her OCD-like tendencies.

hmm.... not sort of those typical OCD....... hers is unique for her character.. n it does drive me bonkers at times............ my best frd said before... if it was him... tink will give her a slap to make her wake up liao... hahah..


I don't know enough of the situation to dispense any suitable advice. What would go through my mind, if I am in your shoes, is whether there is an upside to the marriage?

Carrying on the marriage vows? ;p....... :s

Is there something to look forward to?

Able to go to kiddy palace and purchase something for own use... ;p

Do you think you can live with this until 'death parts you'? You both being in your early 30s, which means there is time to recover from a failed first marriage.

I cannot tink of myself only... for me... i dnt tink its a prob as i am an outoging person........ even if i am alone.... i am not going to press the alarm bells...
for her... she is an introvert..... its quite impossible for her to having a second chance... but nothing is impossible la......... it could be turnaround of tables... i could be the one trying to get the crumps instead... :S

She is over 30... not quite easy for her to get hitched liao. :S... err no offence to any ladies out there yah....

The positive about this is that you'll probably know what to look out for at the second try.

With all due respect to the both of you, your wife seems egocentric and you appear to be subservient to her wishes. Run your wedding vows in your head once again...ask yourself if there is any solace somewhere down the road knowing you honoured your vows but happiness has been elusive?

from my posting... i do not need to put it out in bolds again bah ;p...

Envisage a moment forward in time and imagine asking yourself this: If I could turn back time, would I have walked a different path?

errr..... wht say you? ;p

I think your answer then should guide your actions now. All the best there.:D

errr wht say you part II............ maybe the trilogy will end this whole saga ;p


dear bro nuclearkid, Thankss for your comments...... "enlightened" in some ways....... but sad to say.. the actions i dnt tink i am able to carry it out ;p................ burn in hell sinner!!! ;p

sinner1234
06-02-2012, 11:26 PM
Bro Sinner, maybe u can consider adpotion instead?
If your wife become preggy, then u have 2 kids!
Life might be better...



dear bro onegoal,
wah piangzz not the despo yet la..... can try for a few more yrs la...... we the same age............

i do prefer my own flesh n blood.... guess its more of an asian mentality.... :p.


Life might be better? dble edged sword yah... ;p


thanks for the suggestion.......... can consider yr option after the 7yrs itch callup by a fellow bro here ;p...........

sinner1234
06-02-2012, 11:31 PM
Bro, there is really nothing wrong with you. Even before our customary, I was already feeling the strain of the differences in character. She works in the stable Civil Service, while I'm in the volatile technology industry, sometimes no day no night. We got quarrels because of this.

I think having a kid is really necessary to hold down two people. You are adjusting to her and she is adjusting to you. While you are one married couple, you are now falling victim to your definition of differences. I myself, always wonder what that other woman would be like, would she be a better wife? But I always the advise given by my ceremony-in-chief: patience is needed, and the man must have a more patience.

Actually, I also have sexual problems. My wife very dry, that's one, but I don't try to let it affect me.


dear bro eltaz.... thanks for the comfy words......... will squeeze my frd "patience" more then..... ;p.

cocobun
06-02-2012, 11:32 PM
pretty experience??? dun think so... i think this will be a idea suggestions for most married couples. dun u think so?

Errr, I'm not really sure cos it's a one sided story...

GerGer quick go scan scan check check, date date then get married. This would be an idea suggestion..... :p

sinner1234
06-02-2012, 11:40 PM
click.........http://sg.news.yahoo.com/10-surprising-things-improve-sex-life-090000330.html


dear bro cocobun, thnx for the read..... read tht in yahoo todae also.. dnt feel very applicable to me........... substance over form........... the ingredient of wanting to have sex... terminology = desire... is not there....... be it using water bed or whtever fanciful props.... may not help matters bah....... using of props btw is a no no.... wifey is "traditional". cant even do doggy style..... lmao............... wht to do wht to do.... ;p

nuclearkid
07-02-2012, 08:45 AM
Bro Sinner, maybe u can consider adpotion instead?
If your wife become preggy, then u have 2 kids!
Life might be better...

I think having a kid is really necessary to hold down two people. You are adjusting to her and she is adjusting to you. While you are one married couple, you are now falling victim to your definition of differences. I myself, always wonder what that other woman would be like, would she be a better wife? But I always the advise given by my ceremony-in-chief: patience is needed, and the man must have a more patience.

Actually, I also have sexual problems. My wife very dry, that's one, but I don't try to let it affect me.

Having children add a combustible element into any marriage. As it is, TS and his wife are already as stark as day and night in terms of their temperament. In any normal marriage, bringing up a child is already one of the biggest issues between parents... In this case, having a child for the perceived benefit of bringing stability into a marriage is a big, big gamble.

RealEstateGuy
07-02-2012, 10:01 AM
Bro, there is really nothing wrong with you. Even before our customary, I was already feeling the strain of the differences in character. She works in the stable Civil Service, while I'm in the volatile technology industry, sometimes no day no night. We got quarrels because of this.

I think having a kid is really necessary to hold down two people. You are adjusting to her and she is adjusting to you. While you are one married couple, you are now falling victim to your definition of differences. I myself, always wonder what that other woman would be like, would she be a better wife? But I always the advise given by my ceremony-in-chief: patience is needed, and the man must have a more patience.

Actually, I also have sexual problems. My wife very dry, that's one, but I don't try to let it affect me.

Braddah, have you tried working on arousing her ie changing your foreplay methods? Dryness is not necessarily related to arousal but a big part of it. Was she wet when you were dating?

nuclearkid
07-02-2012, 10:44 AM
errr..... wht say you? ;p

Work on the marriage if its worth working on and for that, it takes two. The most basic question is whether you sense any effort on her part to keep it going. If she is clearly taking you for granted, your answer is quite clear. She's expecting you to make her happy while your own happiness is secondary.

What say me, you asked? At face value, I wouldn't hang around. Nobody is responsible for my happiness except myself. And I am sure those around you who care for you will support the right decision.

(o)(o) Tuner
07-02-2012, 10:46 AM
Monday blues and decide to start this thread, hoping to get some form of “enlightenment”.

Sexual Part:
Low (very) sexual activity (less than 20times after 3.5 years).

I really can't believe that. This is a serious problem. TS you should seek professional advice.

desperatewife
07-02-2012, 01:01 PM
hello TS, i realized tat u mentioned u r ur wife's 1st official boyfriend back then and also tat she is a very traditional person.

in my opinion, i should think tat she had been brought up in a traditional environment and for her, sex is sacred, just for procreation and not for fun.

i believe to change her mindset, u will need to show her sex can be enjoyable for her. u might prob wanna start by building up her confidence and letting her realize her sexual appeal to u. i believe she seldom wear low cut dresses as well? since she is still young and has assets why not flaunt it?

start by buying some clothes which u wanna see her dressed in and get her to wear it for u to see. if she dont feel comfortable, get her to wear it in the bedroom or at home and let her know how much u like it. be sincere with ur comments coz ladies r very sensitive about tat. once she feel more adventurous, bring her out in it maybe with a jacket on top. once she is more confident in herself, she might even wear it out on her own.

also, have u realized if she had enjoyed the couple of love making sessions? if she is in pain, why would she even wanna have sex at all?
before making any moves on her, do lots of foreplay. foreplay doesnt mean touching her private parts or her body. it can be verbal if u know wat i mean. eg: let her know about ur desires about her and prompt her to tell u what r her desires.

buy some lubricants to ensure tat she will not be in pain while doing the actual act in case she is not wet enough. if she doesnt feel comfortable, take ur time to make her comfortable b4 going to the actual act.

have u watched porn with her b4? most porn might look pretty painful for women and she might be scared. u might wanna source for porn tats more gentle (ensure the lady cast looks like she's enjoying rather then screaming her head off!) and share it with her.

ps: it will take lots of time n patience, but u r her only source for sexual experience so dont give up on her. hope my comments r of some help for the sexual part. for the non-sexual ones, u will need to work out the communication between the 2 of u. good luck!

sinner1234
07-02-2012, 05:32 PM
Work on the marriage if its worth working on and for that, it takes two. The most basic question is whether you sense any effort on her part to keep it going. If she is clearly taking you for granted, your answer is quite clear. She's expecting you to make her happy while your own happiness is secondary.

What say me, you asked? At face value, I wouldn't hang around. Nobody is responsible for my happiness except myself. And I am sure those around you who care for you will support the right decision.


Dear bro nuclearkid,

Basic Q--- is just maintaining...... so in a way on her part.... yup... to keep it going.... at a normal...... day by day..... uneventful day...... work... eat... watch tv.. play game.... sleep........ then all over again routine...........

I noe yr answer..... well...... i also advocate being happy is the most impt.... but having a loved one........ its not only abt me n just me being happy........ i also need to tink abt her...... just tht our character is so opp tht not many times both parties will be happy.... i'll keep on trying till my friend "patience" died of natural death... ;p

thanks for your reply....

sinner1234
07-02-2012, 05:41 PM
I really can't believe that. This is a serious problem. TS you should seek professional advice.



Dear bro tuner,

hmm... hands n legs abit "tied" to go ahead with your suggstion...... sexual part is a no no as wifey likes "face"............ for the non sexual part..... i feel no point wasting money to go for prof help..... as its more of a communication thingy..... have to compromise....... well... this knotty part... happens alot to many dear bros n sis out there.......... some make it... some dnt.......... at this moment... i'm sort of at a crossroad..... left: dnt make it... right: make it....

i prop up the thread is to try to get some form of "enlightenment".... advices are here n there........ i need something (wht is it.. i myself also dnt noe)... to perhaps evoke a further road to perhaps some sort of "flyover" to make both the sexual part n non sexual part.. "tick"....

i'm a member of this forum.. n i do read alot of the threads over here.. all sections... hmmm.. except international section... seldom go there......... sometimes the comments churn out ideas from my tght........ so i brought out my "predicament" to seek "enlightenment".............

gd day to ya.. :)

sinner1234
07-02-2012, 06:01 PM
hello TS, i realized tat u mentioned u r ur wife's 1st official boyfriend back then and also tat she is a very traditional person.


Yup.. she did tell me she had an unofficial one when in teen yrs..... i'm ok....
yup... we rom in 2007.... didnt have sex till we had our customary in 2009... she asked tht we only hv sex after customary.... i ddnt want to force her.. .so ok lor... ;p

in my opinion, i should think tat she had been brought up in a traditional environment and for her, sex is sacred, just for procreation and not for fun.

Yup.... boring to me then.... ;p... my previous gf... we did in several places.... offc etc ;p............
i
believe to change her mindset, u will need to show her sex can be enjoyable for her. u might prob wanna start by building up her confidence and letting her realize her sexual appeal to u. i believe she seldom wear low cut dresses as well? since she is still young and has assets why not flaunt it?

she likes dressing up.. can take at least 2hrs before leaving the house :S..... always shopping for clothes n shoes.... always change her hairstyle....... i leave her to get her own clothes n dress up.......... low cut..... seldom......... bare back hv........... hers is "B"......
i have mentioned... substance over form......... it's more of a mentality thingy....

start by buying some clothes which u wanna see her dressed in and get her to wear it for u to see. if she dont feel comfortable, get her to wear it in the bedroom or at home and let her know how much u like it. be sincere with ur comments coz ladies r very sensitive about tat. once she feel more adventurous, bring her out in it maybe with a jacket on top. once she is more confident in herself, she might even wear it out on her own.

hmmm... i dnt want to "dress" her up in my own way... i leave it to her as its her body......... if she is happy... i am happy........... i dnt want to make myself happy by asking her to doll up the way i like... ;p......

she is not conservative when it comes to dressing up... she wears g-strings... do braless when its strapless.. does bareback .. ie: when in some cheongsam. she does "chiong"... ie: shanghai dolly.....with her frds/... she likes music............ so........... :S...........



also, have u realized if she had enjoyed the couple of love making sessions? if she is in pain, why would she even wanna have sex at all?

no.. dnt tink she enjoy... sometimes ask me... hvnt come ah. lol.... wht to do.. ;S.... she does ask me to kiss her neck etc... she likes the kissing n nibbling part......... but.... cannot one sided mah... ;p..... aiyah... dnt want to rant too much... else it's like im the saint.. n she's the devil.... it's also one-sided........ all telling on my part........... she may have her own words.. if she has a chance to splurt it out like me in a forum... ;p

before making any moves on her, do lots of foreplay. foreplay doesnt mean touching her private parts or her body. it can be verbal if u know wat i mean. eg: let her know about ur desires about her and prompt her to tell u what r her desires.

wah... verbal?.... hmmmm... didnt actually try this area before...... bcos i dnt tink i noe how....... i am tinking a little bit.... on this part now. hmm.....conversational sex / arousing?. hmm... errr... i tink hor... i will lol on it if i undertake this suggestion............ hmmmmm... can give it a try la. well.... must try all avenues rght.... but i admit... this is one of the laast resort tht i will try... as i dnt really like it ;p

buy some lubricants to ensure tat she will not be in pain while doing the actual act in case she is not wet enough. if she doesnt feel comfortable, take ur time to make her comfortable b4 going to the actual act.

hmm... k.... nvr tried lubricant....... will go read up on this area... thnx for suggestion........... she do always say she is dry........ hmmm.... but i touch.... wet leh.... :S....anyway.. will try the lubri option.

have u watched porn with her b4? most porn might look pretty painful for women and she might be scared. u might wanna source for porn tats more gentle (ensure the lady cast looks like she's enjoying rather then screaming her head off!) and share it with her.

she did ask me to let her watch... when i told her i watch porn n surf porn website..... no reaction from her... just staring at the screen lor....... ;p

ps: it will take lots of time n patience, but u r her only source for sexual experience so dont give up on her. hope my comments r of some help for the sexual part. for the non-sexual ones, u will need to work out the communication between the 2 of u. good luck!

Yup.... you had been some help on the sexual part.... thnx............ n thnx for the well wish.........


dear sis desperatewife (the way you write... leads me to tink you r a sis),

thanks for your comments.

soyabeanmilk
07-02-2012, 06:48 PM
Not sure if it has been suggested, but perhaps it might help to spend some time to get closer with her psychologically, emotionally and mentally first, before focusing on the sex itself. Kinda like getting her to feel good when you are close together, to miss you when you are apart, sort of back to dating type of period?

kockadood
07-02-2012, 06:54 PM
bro heres a view for your to ponder about

communicate. ask her what she wants (rmb shes dependant, so u might need to prod her answers out)

come to terms with it.

find your answers.


if she truly cant understand sex as something that is of vital importance to a functioning relationship, pass her links here and there to read. get her to understand. and finally ask her what is she really wanting out of this marriage. you probably can bring up your vows and your first wedding day stuff, all your emotions and pour it out on her. dont be afraid to let her know your deepest fears and emotions. whether she can take it or not.... as they say, 'you' make or break when you are pressured. only those who suffered can gain wisdom.

if its just love and companionship, then u probably gotta suck it up (terms with it my friend) and decide on what you NEED to do.. before doing what you WANT to do.

close up the gap as mentioned above and maybe the way will appear. you gotta scale the wall, tear it down, or walk around it.

no point her not knowing any single thing and end up suffering for nothing. no offense meant but its seriously no better than, 'eventually', settling down with a "bought wife". the vows apply to her just as much as you (take that for you equality lovers :D)

im probably just a little younger than you but lifes been a pretty hardass bitch, so it gets me thinking alot ;)

my heart goes for you bro, trust me when i say i really know what you are going through :( i have hit the ending for one such very similar route already and the feeling very nearly destroyed me inside out.

PS: just something i noticed too, if she truly doesnt want it, why does she even bother stripping for you those... <20 times? just another food for thought.. (or ammo to use when u communicate)

sinner1234
07-02-2012, 07:16 PM
Not sure if it has been suggested, but perhaps it might help to spend some time to get closer with her psychologically, emotionally and mentally first, before focusing on the sex itself. Kinda like getting her to feel good when you are close together, to miss you when you are apart, sort of back to dating type of period?


dear bro soyabeanmilk,

noted... she does like to "stick" with me....... but at the moment i am trying to get her to be more independent... due to some personal reasons..... ;p.....

noted your point....... will try your suggestion of back to dating period........ when the opportunity arises.

sinner1234
07-02-2012, 07:45 PM
bro heres a view for your to ponder about

communicate. ask her what she wants (rmb shes dependant, so u might need to prod her answers out)

come to terms with it.

find your answers.


if she truly cant understand sex as something that is of vital importance to a functioning relationship, pass her links here and there to read. get her to understand. and finally ask her what is she really wanting out of this marriage. you probably can bring up your vows and your first wedding day stuff, all your emotions and pour it out on her. dont be afraid to let her know your deepest fears and emotions. whether she can take it or not.... as they say, 'you' make or break when you are pressured. only those who suffered can gain wisdom.

if its just love and companionship, then u probably gotta suck it up (terms with it my friend) and decide on what you NEED to do.. before doing what you WANT to do.

close up the gap as mentioned above and maybe the way will appear. you gotta scale the wall, tear it down, or walk around it.

no point her not knowing any single thing and end up suffering for nothing. no offense meant but its seriously no better than, 'eventually', settling down with a "bought wife". the vows apply to her just as much as you (take that for you equality lovers

im probably just a little younger than you but lifes been a pretty hardass bitch, so it gets me thinking alot

my heart goes for you bro, trust me when i say i really know what you are going through i have hit the ending for one such very similar route already and the feeling very nearly destroyed me inside out.

PS: just something i noticed too, if she truly doesnt want it, why does she even bother stripping for you those... <20 times? just another food for thought.. (or ammo to use when u communicate)


kockadood;6859153]bro heres a view for your to ponder about

communicate. ask her what she wants (rmb shes dependant, so u might need to prod her answers out)

Sinner: ---there is some prob here. at times i will ask her tht.. she will just answer... "dnt know"...... left me flabbergasted...
i admit i'm not those sort of sensitive guys....... i'm not romeo myself...

come to terms with it.

find your answers.


if she truly cant understand sex as something that is of vital importance to a functioning relationship, pass her links here and there to read. get her to understand.

Sinner: ---- hmmm.... i find tht doing tht is like telling her all in my mind is sex....... like i am brainwashing her.....hahha.... how should i say.... it should be a natural thing.... the wanting of bodily contact..... i dnt like to say..... "hey we must hv sex bcos blah blah blah..... sigh..... dnt noe how to pen out tht type of feeling............ i wan sex.. yes no doubt... yet i dnt want it "just sex"... hahah.... burn in hell sinner!! ;p................ but i'll try your suggestion in subtle manner..... thnx...


and finally ask her what is she really wanting out of this marriage.

Sinner: ---expected answer: "dnt know;... come to tink of it... if your partner ask you tht... wht will you say? .... its weird also.. come to tink of it...

you probably can bring up your vows and your first wedding day stuff, all your emotions and pour it out on her. dont be afraid to let her know your deepest fears and emotions. whether she can take it or not.... as they say, 'you' make or break when you are pressured. only those who suffered can gain wisdom.

Sinner: ---yah.. only those who suffered can gain wisdom.. i'm am.. ;p........... actually i cant remember the exact words.... i only remember some of them.. through meaning... being faithful la.... take care of her when in sickness.. unhappiness.. etc.... so how to bring them out when i cant even remember... ;p... burn in hell again sinner!!!

if its just love and companionship, then u probably gotta suck it up (terms with it my friend) and decide on what you NEED to do.. before doing what you WANT to do.

Sinner: ----wht i need to do... "i" feel i hv done wht i can do............. BUT i'll try more again... for the sake of "L-O-V-E".... !!! :)............. more "enlightenment" pls

close up the gap as mentioned above and maybe the way will appear. you gotta scale the wall, tear it down, or walk around it.

Sinner:----tear it down? ....... wht is this meaning?.... i have tried scaling n walking round.... tearing in down means?........ not sure of your meaning... kindly elaborate if possible........

no point her not knowing any single thing and end up suffering for nothing. no offense meant but its seriously no better than, 'eventually', settling down with a "bought wife". the vows apply to her just as much as you (take that for you equality lovers :D)

sinner:---hmm.... understand.. but not comments

im probably just a little younger than you but lifes been a pretty hardass bitch, so it gets me thinking alot

sinner:---well..... life isnt always plain sailing...... life is short.... may lifey treat you better from now onwards... cheers.

my heart goes for you bro, trust me when i say i really know what you are going through :( i have hit the ending for one such very similar route already and the feeling very nearly destroyed me inside out.

sinner:---
sorry to hear tht........ well... look on the bright side... if there is no end... there is no new beginning.......... hope a better one props out for ya..... i sincerely wish you all the best!!!!

PS: just something i noticed too, if she truly doesnt want it, why does she even bother stripping for you those... <20 times? just another food for thought.. (or ammo to use when u communicate)

well... out of wifey obligation bah........ bte.. is i strip her... not she strip herself..... is tht called forced upon?


sinner:---going out now for dinner n shopping.thanks for any other comments in advance............ :).... btw... change my way of replying as cannot submit reply due to wht exceed 11 images.. :s....

kwaychup
07-02-2012, 08:01 PM
Hi bro,

I'm like maybe her first official boyfriend, i guess i couldnt bring myself to leave her at tht time. :S. worried she cannot take it. :S
... And sometimes I do think that we humans do not exactly know what we want.

seems like your into this marriage for the sake of her then yourself,
if both your characters are sooo contrast, i wonder how the both of you begin in the 1st place and last 1.5years even beforing popping the question?



Sinner: ---there is some prob here. at times i will ask her tht.. she will just answer... "dnt know"...... left me flabbergasted...
i admit i'm not those sort of sensitive guys....... i'm not romeo myself...

so you need to probe further, try asking those questions that requires her to think rather than a no/dunno/this/that/watever..

i'll try to write more later as i'm rushing for time now

nuclearkid
07-02-2012, 10:06 PM
I noe yr answer..... well...... i also advocate being happy is the most impt.... but having a loved one........ its not only abt me n just me being happy........ i also need to tink abt her...... just tht our character is so opp tht not many times both parties will be happy.... i'll keep on trying till my friend "patience" died of natural death... ;p

thanks for your reply....[/COLOR]

Whatever you do, so long you don't look back with regrets, that is your correct decision. All the best.:D

ELTaz
07-02-2012, 11:57 PM
TS bro, you are no sinner till you've done something really wrong. I've fucked outside my marriage, bad right! But it's the one-off encounters and I know the other party also prefers things to be discrete.

You say your wife likes kissing and nibbling. I think some men, like me, just dive down into the action. I think kissing and nibbling is boring, but I read that women like it. So if love is about giving, why not make it that way? Then you can end off by jerking off lor, provided this suggestion doesn't piss off your wife.

That FB I had affair with can't orgasm through intercourse whether it's with me or others, but she doesn't mind because she enjoys seeing her man climax. I think it's the same with my wife though she laments that I can't last longer to sextisfy her, sometimes. So I guess sex is give and take.

I also think there's some psychological barrier in your wife from not enjoying sex. This one very hard to solve, but if it's human, it's solvable. Patience bro!

kockadood
08-02-2012, 12:39 AM
kockadood;6859153]bro heres a view for your to ponder about

communicate. ask her what she wants (rmb shes dependant, so u might need to prod her answers out)

Sinner: ---there is some prob here. at times i will ask her tht.. she will just answer... "dnt know"...... left me flabbergasted...
i admit i'm not those sort of sensitive guys....... i'm not romeo myself...

come to terms with it.

find your answers.


if she truly cant understand sex as something that is of vital importance to a functioning relationship, pass her links here and there to read. get her to understand.

Sinner: ---- hmmm.... i find tht doing tht is like telling her all in my mind is sex....... like i am brainwashing her.....hahha.... how should i say.... it should be a natural thing.... the wanting of bodily contact..... i dnt like to say..... "hey we must hv sex bcos blah blah blah..... sigh..... dnt noe how to pen out tht type of feeling............ i wan sex.. yes no doubt... yet i dnt want it "just sex"... hahah.... burn in hell sinner!! ;p................ but i'll try your suggestion in subtle manner..... thnx...


and finally ask her what is she really wanting out of this marriage.

Sinner: ---expected answer: "dnt know;... come to tink of it... if your partner ask you tht... wht will you say? .... its weird also.. come to tink of it...

you probably can bring up your vows and your first wedding day stuff, all your emotions and pour it out on her. dont be afraid to let her know your deepest fears and emotions. whether she can take it or not.... as they say, 'you' make or break when you are pressured. only those who suffered can gain wisdom.

Sinner: ---yah.. only those who suffered can gain wisdom.. i'm am.. ;p........... actually i cant remember the exact words.... i only remember some of them.. through meaning... being faithful la.... take care of her when in sickness.. unhappiness.. etc.... so how to bring them out when i cant even remember... ;p... burn in hell again sinner!!!

if its just love and companionship, then u probably gotta suck it up (terms with it my friend) and decide on what you NEED to do.. before doing what you WANT to do.

Sinner: ----wht i need to do... "i" feel i hv done wht i can do............. BUT i'll try more again... for the sake of "L-O-V-E".... !!! :)............. more "enlightenment" pls

close up the gap as mentioned above and maybe the way will appear. you gotta scale the wall, tear it down, or walk around it.

Sinner:----tear it down? ....... wht is this meaning?.... i have tried scaling n walking round.... tearing in down means?........ not sure of your meaning... kindly elaborate if possible........

no point her not knowing any single thing and end up suffering for nothing. no offense meant but its seriously no better than, 'eventually', settling down with a "bought wife". the vows apply to her just as much as you (take that for you equality lovers :D)

sinner:---hmm.... understand.. but not comments

im probably just a little younger than you but lifes been a pretty hardass bitch, so it gets me thinking alot

sinner:---well..... life isnt always plain sailing...... life is short.... may lifey treat you better from now onwards... cheers.

my heart goes for you bro, trust me when i say i really know what you are going through :( i have hit the ending for one such very similar route already and the feeling very nearly destroyed me inside out.

sinner:---
sorry to hear tht........ well... look on the bright side... if there is no end... there is no new beginning.......... hope a better one props out for ya..... i sincerely wish you all the best!!!!

PS: just something i noticed too, if she truly doesnt want it, why does she even bother stripping for you those... <20 times? just another food for thought.. (or ammo to use when u communicate)

well... out of wifey obligation bah........ bte.. is i strip her... not she strip herself..... is tht called forced upon?


sinner:---going out now for dinner n shopping.thanks for any other comments in advance............ :).... btw... change my way of replying as cannot submit reply due to wht exceed 11 images.. :s....

ah im just being very frank and direct. of course i leave it to you as you know best how to execute it.

well thats what i meant by prodding... you gotta try help her lead her to an answer. thats what one of the things marriage counsellors would probably help you 2 with you know. maybe write a list of questions, and just try to guide her to one of the answers you need to hear? like asking the who where whom what why hows of your life and her decisions? if both of you are just in this without even a single thought... then it really shows the underlying mechanics (or lack thereof) at play right?

tearing it down will be probably something more impactful or forceful? whatever your obstacle is of course. maybe some hard fast rush to destroy the obstacle before she has time to react?

well its not forced upon, just by the fact that she doesnt even move really sends alot of signals. its pretty possible that you do have a 'dead fish' in bed you know... =x maybe she never felt good? maybe she hates it? maybe theres more? how much do u know her really? like i would dig out everything (within reasonable limits) that has happened in my girls life as im very interested in how she became who she is today.

again its all up to you, good luck with finding the root and being able to accept it before u actually think of doing something. else you might end up prescribing the wrong meds for the wrong ailment. cheers bro and all the best to u too

Hwei6969
09-02-2012, 08:29 PM
Men and Women are very different, the way we think and act are totally different.

There is only 1 reason to be together and a thousand to be apart.

It's up to you really

wanabe_2006
10-02-2012, 02:59 AM
Hi TS,
Based on your info, I suggest you talk to wife. Sex or intimacy seem important enough to bother you, and its normal to expect and want them in a marriage.

My situation, I was a virgin until marriage at age of 25. What follows was years of confusion and torture. After marriage, we didn't make love until 6 months later, thought she need time ... I was supportive. Then the first experience, was painful ... literally coz she's dry and refuse to use any lubricant or foreplay. We stopped for many months, tried again ... again stopped for many months and try again. In the first 2yrs of marriage, I counted less than 10times.

The experience became a little more enjoyable when we decided to plan for baby. Told her that we need to change ... more foreplay and use lubricant when necessary (coz I bled in one occasion). She was more willing to try for the sake of conceiving. Even tried oral sex, which she refused in the past. But we stopped that, coz I also don't wanna force her to do things she doesn't want to. Baby confirmed after only 3mths trying (FUCK!!!).

Soon ... cannot do it for 12mths ... then stretch to 18mths ... then 24mths. Initially baby was in the way, then it was lack of confidence cos out of shape aft labor ... and then simply just don't want to do.

Many years passed ... suddenly wife wants 2nd baby. We talked, told her I felt left out and no love cos we don't do it. I PPC until little bro cannot stand long. She apologies and explained the same reasons ... baby was in the way, she loss confidence, too tired etc.

Ok we started trying, very exciting cos literally many years never do. Fortunately or unfortunately ... I was not as potent, ended trying for almost 1.5yrs. During this time, I can predict when she wants to do it. Needless to say, after 2nd baby born ... we stopped doing it.

I talked to her again, now even better ... no excuse, just say she not interested at all. So I ask "I how? Do you want me to find other solution?". I also asked her to go for counseling. She never answer or change her mind. For the next 5yrs, I stayed faithful ... but we quarrel more frequent and talk less, even sleep separately. One day, I just decided not to PPC anymore. I started with Massage Parlour ... and then Health Centre ... and then others discrete places. I avoided geylang and streetwalkers to keep low profile. Only cheong alone, never with friends. Ironically, I still respect my wife and our marriage (although to some ppl, this is contradicting) ... do not want to hurt them.

Why I stayed on my marriage? Well, I'm brought up in a traditional way, for the sake of children I'll maintained this marriage. Which is now close to 15yrs already. Thought of divorce many times so that I can restart a new live. But how to? Not possible with 2 kids. So will act happy and maintain the marriage for the sake of kids (and cheong quietly).

Anyway, my final advise to you ... talk to your wife. Tell her what you want/need. Give yourselves 6mths to make it work, if not ... respectful go your separate ways. If I had the chance before the kids, I would. Don't fall in the trap of thinking "kids will help the marriage". Contrary, it'll make it worst!!! It's not too late esp if you have no kids.

No disrespect, I think this is a S'pore women problem. They are financially independent and many does not see/understand the role/responsibility of a wife. If wife don't give to husband ... what do they expect husband to do? I'm sometimes amaze how I stayed faithful w/o going astray for so many years. People brag about making love atleast once a week ... I only cheong once every 2mths.

Hope my story help you. Good luck.

muscleboi
10-02-2012, 09:33 AM
bro wanabe, you are right. and there's alot of luck involved if we men ever thought of marrying the "right one". I heard tales that even if the girl was a sex kitten before marriage, there's still a chance she will not be interested in sex anymore after childbirth and married couples sleeping in separate rooms. The same applies for women too. If they found a man too tired for sex, the woman's youth is considered wasted on the sex aspect.

Some people don't realize we don't stay young forever. If we don't have sex and enjoy sex when we are at our active age, we will never be able to find back our strength for sex when we grew older.

sinner1234
10-02-2012, 02:03 PM
Hi bro,

I'm like maybe her first official boyfriend, i guess i couldnt bring myself to leave her at tht time. :S. worried she cannot take it. :S
... And sometimes I do think that we humans do not exactly know what we want.

seems like your into this marriage for the sake of her then yourself,
if both your characters are sooo contrast, i wonder how the both of you begin in the 1st place and last 1.5years even beforing popping the question?

hmm.. that i also dnt noe... was attracted by her smile...... i life ppl who are "smiley" type......... BUT... didnt noe her "dark" side. :s..... well....... at this point in time... well.. to me....no point asking "Y" previously not this or tht.... i prefer to look forward and tink of how to solve the prob. :)

Sinner: ---there is some prob here. at times i will ask her tht.. she will just answer... "dnt know"...... left me flabbergasted...
i admit i'm not those sort of sensitive guys....... i'm not romeo myself...

so you need to probe further, try asking those questions that requires her to think rather than a no/dunno/this/that/watever..


hmmm.. simple Q.. she dnt provide answer already..... if i probe more... she will be more confused... i tink it's her mentality....... she had been used to "deflect" Qs by saying "dnt noe"........ then pp may stop......... she is avoiding the Qs......... so many a times.. i just "give up".. no point squabbling........ no point forcing " a cow to eat grass when she doesnt want" right?

i'll try to write more later as i'm rushing for time now

Dear bro kwaychup,

thanks for our comments

sinner1234
10-02-2012, 02:05 PM
TS bro, you are no sinner till you've done something really wrong. I've fucked outside my marriage, bad right! But it's the one-off encounters and I know the other party also prefers things to be discrete.

You say your wife likes kissing and nibbling. I think some men, like me, just dive down into the action. I think kissing and nibbling is boring, but I read that women like it. So if love is about giving, why not make it that way? Then you can end off by jerking off lor, provided this suggestion doesn't piss off your wife.

That FB I had affair with can't orgasm through intercourse whether it's with me or others, but she doesn't mind because she enjoys seeing her man climax. I think it's the same with my wife though she laments that I can't last longer to sextisfy her, sometimes. So I guess sex is give and take.

I also think there's some psychological barrier in your wife from not enjoying sex. This one very hard to solve, but if it's human, it's solvable. Patience bro!


Dear bro eltaz,

thanks for your comments.... yup.... lucky i have a long serving kind friend named "Patience"... :)

sinner1234
10-02-2012, 02:09 PM
ah im just being very frank and direct. of course i leave it to you as you know best how to execute it.

well thats what i meant by prodding... you gotta try help her lead her to an answer. thats what one of the things marriage counsellors would probably help you 2 with you know. maybe write a list of questions, and just try to guide her to one of the answers you need to hear? like asking the who where whom what why hows of your life and her decisions? if both of you are just in this without even a single thought... then it really shows the underlying mechanics (or lack thereof) at play right?

tearing it down will be probably something more impactful or forceful? whatever your obstacle is of course. maybe some hard fast rush to destroy the obstacle before she has time to react?

well its not forced upon, just by the fact that she doesnt even move really sends alot of signals. its pretty possible that you do have a 'dead fish' in bed you know... =x maybe she never felt good? maybe she hates it? maybe theres more? how much do u know her really? like i would dig out everything (within reasonable limits) that has happened in my girls life as im very interested in how she became who she is today.

again its all up to you, good luck with finding the root and being able to accept it before u actually think of doing something. else you might end up prescribing the wrong meds for the wrong ailment. cheers bro and all the best to u too


Dear bro kockadood,

noted your comments....... the "executing" part is the main prob....... anyway i'm a happy go lucky guy... no worries. :)

sinner1234
10-02-2012, 02:12 PM
Whatever you do, so long you don't look back with regrets, that is your correct decision. All the best.:D


dear bro nuclearkid,

in life there are definitely many "regrets".......... i'm a positive guy........... i take it that without all these negatives.. i will not come closer to a positive... ;p........ (remembered my short stint as outdoor sales when in my teen yrs..... every rejections makes you closer to success..... same positive prep talk... hahah) time flies....... "xui yue bu rao ren"........... :S

sinner1234
10-02-2012, 02:17 PM
Men and Women are very different, the way we think and act are totally different.

There is only 1 reason to be together and a thousand to be apart.

It's up to you really


Dear sis Hwei6969 (i presume you are a lady given the way you write),

the saying " Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus" is not there for nothing ;p........

We are just normal human beings........ if god do not know how come he created Man with so many "faut"/"sins"/"prob"............. how can we know and resolve them? ;p


That 1 reason.. is actually a very powerful reason..... the saying>>> "Love conquers ALL" ;p.

Yup, up to the sinner.... :)

thanks for your comments.

sinner1234
10-02-2012, 02:28 PM
Hi TS,
Based on your info, I suggest you talk to wife. Sex or intimacy seem important enough to bother you, and its normal to expect and want them in a marriage.

My situation, I was a virgin until marriage at age of 25. What follows was years of confusion and torture. After marriage, we didn't make love until 6 months later, thought she need time ... I was supportive. Then the first experience, was painful ... literally coz she's dry and refuse to use any lubricant or foreplay. We stopped for many months, tried again ... again stopped for many months and try again. In the first 2yrs of marriage, I counted less than 10times.

The experience became a little more enjoyable when we decided to plan for baby. Told her that we need to change ... more foreplay and use lubricant when necessary (coz I bled in one occasion). She was more willing to try for the sake of conceiving. Even tried oral sex, which she refused in the past. But we stopped that, coz I also don't wanna force her to do things she doesn't want to. Baby confirmed after only 3mths trying (FUCK!!!).

Soon ... cannot do it for 12mths ... then stretch to 18mths ... then 24mths. Initially baby was in the way, then it was lack of confidence cos out of shape aft labor ... and then simply just don't want to do.

Many years passed ... suddenly wife wants 2nd baby. We talked, told her I felt left out and no love cos we don't do it. I PPC until little bro cannot stand long. She apologies and explained the same reasons ... baby was in the way, she loss confidence, too tired etc.

Ok we started trying, very exciting cos literally many years never do. Fortunately or unfortunately ... I was not as potent, ended trying for almost 1.5yrs. During this time, I can predict when she wants to do it. Needless to say, after 2nd baby born ... we stopped doing it.

I talked to her again, now even better ... no excuse, just say she not interested at all. So I ask "I how? Do you want me to find other solution?". I also asked her to go for counseling. She never answer or change her mind. For the next 5yrs, I stayed faithful ... but we quarrel more frequent and talk less, even sleep separately. One day, I just decided not to PPC anymore. I started with Massage Parlour ... and then Health Centre ... and then others discrete places. I avoided geylang and streetwalkers to keep low profile. Only cheong alone, never with friends. Ironically, I still respect my wife and our marriage (although to some ppl, this is contradicting) ... do not want to hurt them.

Why I stayed on my marriage? Well, I'm brought up in a traditional way, for the sake of children I'll maintained this marriage. Which is now close to 15yrs already. Thought of divorce many times so that I can restart a new live. But how to? Not possible with 2 kids. So will act happy and maintain the marriage for the sake of kids (and cheong quietly).

Anyway, my final advise to you ... talk to your wife. Tell her what you want/need. Give yourselves 6mths to make it work, if not ... respectful go your separate ways. If I had the chance before the kids, I would. Don't fall in the trap of thinking "kids will help the marriage". Contrary, it'll make it worst!!! It's not too late esp if you have no kids.

No disrespect, I think this is a S'pore women problem. They are financially independent and many does not see/understand the role/responsibility of a wife. If wife don't give to husband ... what do they expect husband to do? I'm sometimes amaze how I stayed faithful w/o going astray for so many years. People brag about making love atleast once a week ... I only cheong once every 2mths.

Hope my story help you. Good luck.



Dear Bro wanabe_2006,

Thanks for sharing your story.

Shit-a!!! i can see a mirror image of myself to be the same as you now... hmmmmm will i 15ys later also write in this forum to share with other fourm-ers? ;p........ i'll remember my predecessor-- bro wanabe_2006 ;p....


For your advice.........I cannot tink of leaving my wife on my own accord..... she's very dependent..... i cannot just tink abt being happy myself :s............ so even though the "right" resolvement is to "part ways" (i envy those ppl who are not controlled by emotions and tink of themselves only.. at this moment ;p)........... i am sure i cannot do it on my own initiative......... thus i seek "enlightenment" on any other resolvement.......... ;p.


Well... at least you have kids.. no doubt there are woes. there are also happiness bah........... to me. i feel... everyone should have a family......... tht's life..........

once again.. thanks for your comments...

gd day to you. :)